It Was the Best of Times...It Was the Worst of Times...

2011.

At the beginning of 2011 Jay & I were foster parents to 2 very special little boys. One of them we knew would return home. He was with us for 6 months. It was still hard to let him go, but we knew he needed to be back with his family.

The next day after he left I found out I was pregnant for the 5th time after 4 miscarriages. Oh, how I prayed that this time would be different. This time the septum had been removed, and we had renewed hope. But each day I was on pins and needles that something might go wrong.

In the meantime, our other child that we cared for through the foster system was a newborn baby who stayed with us for 7 months. He came to us straight from the hospital. I was the only mommy he knew. In my heart, he was mine.

We were told we'd most likely be able to adopt him. We were even told at one point that we would probably have him adopted within 6 months. I loved him so much then and I love him still. I love him as if he were my own.

But sadly, he had to leave us in the summer and went to live with a cousin. And I still miss him every.single.day. To be 100% honest with you, it still sometimes feels like someone else has my baby and that he should be with us. My heart still aches, and I miss him so very, very much. Being a foster parent and letting him go was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life. My heart still aches.

HOWEVER, I do have to give the Lord thanks & praise that he went to a very good home. They love him and take wonderful care of him. And I have to trust the Lord and believe that He heard our prayers and answered. He didn't answer exactly how we'd hoped, but he has protected our sweet boy and placed him in a wonderful home. I trust the Lord. Only He knows what the future holds and knows what is best. Even though I don't understand and even though it hurts, I believe that He is where he is supposed to be. And for that I am so thankful.

After he left, I was able to start focusing more on my pregnancy. And lo and behold, I kept getting farther and farther along without any complications!!! Even though sometimes it felt like a dream, it was real!! I was pregnant and actually doing well and going to bring home my sweet healthy baby from the hospital after 9 months.

Each month was a milestone. Each Dr. appointment was a sweet relief! Each good report was an answered prayer!

My little Baby Bird was born November 21st, 2011. She is our miracle baby. She is our dream come true. She is our answered prayer. I am SO thankful for her every single

day. Sometimes I can still hardly believe it! After 4 miscarriages and 4 years since we started trying to have a baby, she is finally here. I am so in love with her and so grateful that she is mine.

In some ways 2011 was the most difficult year of my whole life. But in other ways it was the most wonderful.

I pray that 2012 will continue to be wonderful. I pray that the year will hold many blessings and joy. And no matter what, I thank the Lord that He will be with me every step of the way.

I pray that 2012 will be a good year for you all and hold much joy. If you are longing for a baby I hope that this is the year that your dream will come true. And most of all, I pray that you will know our Savior Jesus Christ and feel His presence with you always.

God Bless You!!

A Head Full of Hair

Before Baby Bird was born, I hoped that she'd have a lot of hair b/c her daddy did when he was born and so did I. Of course, it wouldn't have mattered one bit if she'd been bald. I would have thought it was the cutest little bald head EVER! But I do love her little head full of dark hair. It's as soft as little down birdie feathers too.

Every time someone sees her picture or comes over to see her they say, "Look at her hair!!" :)

I can't believe Christmas is this Sunday!!! How is time passing so quickly?! Do any of y'all have any tricks for making time seem like it's passing more slowly? Since we have been in the house so much since she was born, every day sort of blends in. And now I can't believe she is almost one month old. How did that happen?!

I want to share the verse that Jay put in our Christmas card this year. It's one of my favorites.

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

Thank You, Jesus! You are the reason we celebrate!!

I hope you all have a wonderful week!!

Snow Girl

Merry Christmas from our little snow girl! We got newborn pictures made last week. I was so happy with how they turned out. We got a lot of cute poses. My cousin took them for us, and I think she does a great job! I will post more in future posts, and I can't wait to show you her full head of hair! :) But I wanted to post this one b/c it's so Christmas-y.

I can't believe how our girl is already growing and changing so much. I just want time to slow down!

This week I started sending out our Christmas cards. I included one to my ob/gyn who I love. He's so compassionate and kind. I also sent one to my former RE in Nashville thanking him for his part in directing us to the RE in Memphis who specializes in RPL. And then I sent one to the RE in Memphis thanking him for finding the septum and removing it. And most of all, I thank GOD for giving us our miracle girl. It was a long journey to get to her, and thank I God every single day.

I hope that you are all enjoying a wonderful holiday season. I know that some of you are in the process of adopting or trying to conceive your miracle baby. I hope and pray that you are able to enjoy this beautiful season and look forward with hope to what the future may bring you! Merry Christmas!!

Birth Story

I've been wanting to post this for several days now. I hope it makes sense as I have been typing it (quickly) over several days in between feedings, diaper changes & cuddles... :)

Before Baby Bird was born, I called on Friday and scheduled an induction for the following Tuesday morning. I wanted the induction for a couple of reasons. 1) I was so worried that something would go wrong with Baby Bird inside my uterus if I waited too long. 2) I was also worried about her getting to be too big since my mom went 3 weeks overdue with me and I weighed 9 lb. 10 1/2 oz. (My poor mom!!!)

So I had the induction scheduled, but as the weekend wore on, I started having MAJOR second thoughts and decided that I desperately wanted to go in to labor on my own. I searched the internet and also asked you for tips on how to naturally start labor. I ate tons of fresh pineapple, ate spicy Indian food and did lots of walking. I prayed and asked God to please let me go into labor on my own. As the next couple of days passed, I started thinking about the pitocin and the terrible contractions that come with it (so I've been told). And I started feeling like I'd made the wrong decision. I decided that I did NOT want to be induced!!

Saturday night I got up in the middle of the night and started having contractions every 7 minutes apart and thought that maybe this was it!! But they stopped after a couple of hours. So I continued ingesting large amounts of pineapple, praying and walking!!

Monday morning I had a Dr. appointment scheduled. It was just a regular check up. I woke up bright and early and realized that I was hurting more than usual. I felt really crampy in my lower abdomen and was having some contractions but nothing regular. I got out my What to Expect When You're Expecting book and read the symptoms of early labor. I told Jay that I had most of the symptoms and asked him, "Do you think I'm going in to labor soon? Maybe I'll go into labor on my own today!!"

We went to my Dr. appointment, and I continued to feel crampy and more sore than usual. I also continued to have some contractions, but I didn't think they were regular. They were the just the usual Braxton-Hicks, so I thought. But just in case, Jay decided to time a few while we were waiting for my doctor. They were 5 minutes apart!! I hadn't even noticed how close together they were b/c I was so busy getting ready to go to the doctor that I never stopped to time them!

When my doctor came into the room I told him about my symptoms and asked him, "Do you think I might be going in to labor soon? I really don't want to be induced." He assured me that we could easily cancel the induction. He said that I'd probably do better anyway if we just let me go into labor on my own. So he told me he'd check me and then I could decide....

Well, lo and behold, he got a huge smile on his face and started laughing. He said, "Birdie, you're a good 5 cm!! You're in active labor!!!" He couldn't believe it!! He was laughing and said, "You're doing phenomenal! Your pain tolerance must be so high! Most women are crying and screaming out by now!"

Well, I felt so proud of myself! haha I felt like, "Is this all there is to it? I can do this!!" I couldn't stop smiling at Jay. I was so excited!

He sent me to walk for a couple of hours and then come back to check in at L&D at 2 p.m. So Jay and I headed out to Hobby Lobby and to the mall. We were over the moon. I felt so pumped up and so excited!

We went to L&D at 2 p.m., and it just all felt so surreal. I felt like: Is this really happening? I'm really in labor? Is this for real? We're really going to have our baby today??!

I changed in to my pretty hospital gown that I brought and got all hooked up to the monitors. Jay was snapping pictures and I was nervous, but I still wondered if this was really all there was to it. I even started to wonder if I was really in labor because I was not hurting that bad, even by the time my nurse checked me and I was 6 cm.

Well, I have to laugh at myself now b/c at some point after 6 cm everything started to change. The contractions suddenly started becoming more intense. And I was so nervous that my legs were shaking and my teeth were chattering. It wasn't long until I realized that the pain was quickly becoming very strong.

At this point I decided I wanted an epidural. Jay and my mom & sister encouraged me to get it, and I'm so glad I did! I shook the whole way through the procedure b/c I was a nervous wreck! But once I got it I was SO glad I did!! I was finally able to relax a little and stop shaking so bad.

The contractions eased off about 15 minutes after getting the epidural, and again I thought to myself, "I can do this!!!"

The pain relief lasted for a little while, but at around 8 cm I suddenly started hurting worse than ever. It was as if I hadn't had an epidural at all! It was so intense and getting to the point of being unbearable. Every thought I'd had of how easy this would be quickly vanished!! Thankfully, the Dr. returned and increased my epidural medicine. Once again, after it kicked in, I was able to relax a little more and felt once again that I could do it.

When I got to 10 cm the nurse set me up in a different position. I don't know what happened, but after I was sitting up for several minutes, the pain of the contractions returned full force and I felt like I hadn't even had an epidural. I was in EXTREME pain!!! It was absolutely excruciating, and the next thing I knew my nurse was rushing in to the room telling me that I had to push NOW b/c Baby's heart rate had dropped.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done. There were times when I thought I wouldn't make it through. I felt like I couldn't do it. I honestly didn't know how I could go on. Jay was wonderful and fanned me constantly b/c I was so hot. My Dr. was also so sweet and encouraging. After 50 minutes we welcomed the most beautiful baby girl in to the world, and I can tell you that I could hardly believe my eyes. She was really here!!!! After waiting so long!!! After going through so much to be her mommy, she was actually here. Jay & I were both just smiling so much. I kept saying, "Look at her, Jay! Look at her!!"

Every day is a gift from God. I am SO thankful for her. Every day I thank God for her. It still doesn't seem real a lot of times. It's like I want to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. I'm trying to enjoy every second b/c she is already growing so much. Time seems to pass so quickly. And I just want it to slow down.

Being her mommy is absolutely amazing. And I continue to pray for each and every one of you that you will get to experience this miracle - either through birth or adoption. I know that for some of you it may be hard to read my birth story because you are longing for your baby. But I hope it brings you hope that miracles still can happen!!

A Couple of New Pictures

Baby Bird

8 lb. 11 oz.

21 1/2 inches long

We are over the moon!!!!

I plan to write her birth story soon. I haven't been online very much since her birth, but I really hope to sit down soon & tell you all about it!

Thank you for all your sweet comments on my last post announcing her birth. I am still in awe every single day because I truly know what a miracle she is. I thank God daily.

Our Baby Bird Is Here!!

Thank You, Lord! My heart is so full of love for our baby girl. She's finally here!!!

I hope to post more details & pictures soon. :)

Pineapple & Spices

Can I just say again how much it means to me that those of you still in the midst of RPL & infertility continue to follow my journey and send me well wishes? You ladies are NOT forgotten!!!!! My heart aches for you, I pray for you, and I have HOPE for you!!! I will never forget you or stop supporting and encouraging you!!

I hope you can read my story and be reminded that miracles still happen. My sister is the mom of 3 through the miracle of adoption after experiencing infertility. How I LOVE my nieces & nephew!! And now I am going to experience the miracle of having a biological child after experiencing RPL. Our family is so thankful for these miracles! I hope that you are encouraged wherever you are in your journey!

Tomorrow is my due date! To try to coax labor on, I bought a fresh pineapple tonight. A blog friend recommended it (Thanks!), and I also read online that it can naturally induce labor. Jay & I are also planning on going out for some spicy Indian food this weekend. I REALLY want to go into labor naturally. However, I will be induced next week if I don't go into labor on my own. At that point I will already be several days past my due date.

So, I'm fixin to (that's KY talk!) go cut that pineapple. I hope it works!! :)

I'm also including a couple more of our maternity pics from a couple of weeks ago. :) Have a GREAT weekend, everyone!

2 Days From Due Date

I'm still here waiting on the arrival of our little one. Thanks for your comments and suggestions! :) I'm still feeling good. The only time I struggle a little is at night when it's hard to breathe and get comfortable. But I'm not complaining! I can easily endure that. I'm just thankful to be doing so well!

I continue to have stray contractions here and there but nothing that sticks. Bags are packed, house is clean...Just waiting for the real contractions to begin so we can make our way to the hospital! I hope it's soon. I just want her to be here and healthy and know that she's okay!!!

I hope y'all are doing well. Thank you for your continued support!!

Dr. Update

I'm almost 4 cm dilated and 80% effaced!! Dr. says I could have her at any time! He's been saying that for a couple of weeks now, though. :)

My bags are packed. I'm ready. Every time I have a contraction I wonder if this could be the "real thing". But then they stop and nothing progresses.

Last night Jay and I took a little walk to try to get things going. No luck!! I've been praying that she'll come when the time is just right! Although I do hope it's soon! I'm so excited to see her!! :)

39 Weeks

Still here & still waiting on Baby's arrival! Still in awe that I'm actually 39 weeks pregnant. I talk to Jay about it a lot and often ask him, "Can you believe I'm this far along?!" Still thankful every single day.

I'm really feeling ready for her arrival now and hoping she comes soon. I'm so excited to finally meet her.

Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. I'll let you know how this week's appointment goes... Or maybe she'll come before then!! :)

Full Moon

It's a full moon tonight. I keep wondering if I'll go into labor. But nothing so far except a few stray contractions. I think I'll go over my checklist just in case and make sure I have everything packed... :)

Gown Link + Dr. Update

As usual, thanks for your sweet comments! :) A few of you also asked about where I got my hospital gown. You can find the information HERE.

This week at my Dr. appointment I was 3 cm and still 75% effaced! Baby's head is engaged at -2 station. He was happy with my progress. We also got to see her on ultrasound! To tell you the truth, I was so nervous about going. I hadn't had an u/s in many weeks, and I started to have some of those old fears and feelings..."What if something's wrong?... What if I see a dark look on the tech's face and she tells me to wait while she goes and gets the doctor?" But I just tried to push ALL of that OUT of my mind and trust that everything would be okay. And.... It was!!! I was so relieved and thanking God on my way back home.

We got to see her little lips & nose, hair on her head, her ear, heart, spine, even her little bladder & gallbladder!! She wouldn't let us see her little eyes, though. :) The Dr. estimates that right now she weighs about 7 pounds 12 oz.

I also want to say how much I appreciate it when I hear from some of you who may be in the midst of RPL. I know what you're going through, and if anyone would like to contact me via email, please feel free to do so: creekjc{at}nctc{dot}com.

I hope you all have a wonderful day!!!

Hospital Gown

Recently I posted HERE about going on a hospital tour and feeling disappointed that it dredged up old memories and yucky feelings from previous experiences in the hospital.

So I decided to do something about it!

I've packed several things in my hospital bag to make it more cozy and comfortable: CD player & CDs, pillows from home, a soft afghan someone knitted for me, & also this HOSPITAL GOWN that I'm wearing in the picture!! :)

I decided that I didn't want to wear the hospital gown offered by the hospital b/c I don't want to feel like I'm sick. I want to feel that it's a special occasion and something to be celebrated. So I ordered this adorable gown. My doctor said that it's fine to wear, and it was actually designed by 2 labor & delivery nurses. What do y'all think?? :)

I hope y'all are doing well! It's going to be a beautiful day in Kentucky today! It's forecast to hit 70!!

38 Weeks

Jay took some maternity photos tonight. Here I am at 38 weeks!! Yes, I've actually made it this far... something that seemed like a dream only a short time ago. I'm SO thankful for this time in my life. Just the other night I was looking at my What to Expect When You're Expecting Book, and I told Jay, "I remember all those times when I would read this book and could never get past the first couple of sections." (For those of you who don't know, this book covers each week of your pregnancy and tells you what you can expect.)

After my 4th miscarriage I actually told Jay that I was going to throw it in the garbage. I was serious. But he talked me out of it.

Sometimes it still seems so surreal that here I am, 9 months pregnant and doing so well. I thank God DAILY. I know that she is our miracle baby.

Thank you so much for all of your encouragement and prayers. And now we're so close to delivery!! I'm very nervous and very excited all at the same time. And to think that she could be here anytime!

Well, I just wanted to share my favorite shot from the night with you all. Got my boots on and a big smile on my face! :) And you can definitely see the belly in this one! ha!

I hope y'all have a great weekend!!

Oh, on a side note, if you haven't seen the movie Courageous yet, I highly recommend it!! We saw it this this weekend. Powerful message! (And you might want to bring some tissues!! :)

Put a Call in to My Doctor

Okay, so I know that my Dr. told me yesterday that it would be normal to have some bleeding after being checked. And I know that some of you so graciously commented and tried to set my mind at ease. But, if you know me, you'll know that any little odd pregnancy symptom tends to set the wheels in motion for anxiety.

So I put in a call a few minutes ago, and I'm happy to report that he said it is totally normal and actually a GOOD sign. It means that my cervix is getting ready!

Thank you for your comments yesterday. You did actually make me feel better, and I REALLY appreciated hearing your experiences. Oh, on a side note.... Can you believe that my Dr. actually gives his cell phone number to all of his OB patients once they reach 35 weeks? That way they can call with any questions, problems, or if they're on their way to the hospital. He's a GREAT doctor!!

I'm also posting a picture from Monday. Here I am at just a little over 37 weeks!

I hope y'all are all doing well and having a good week! I know that so many of you are in the midst of procedures, Dr. appointments, RPL, infertility.... My heart goes out to you, and you are in my prayers. I know what it feels like, and you are NOT forgotten!!

Dr. Appt. Update

Thanks for all the sweet comments on our nursery! I'm so happy with it! After waiting so long for a baby, we went all out! Our family helped us, so it was a joint effort. We also tried to choose things that were reasonably priced. For example, I'll let you in on a little secret....The chandelier was a yard sale purchase from about 1 - 2 years ago. It was brand new, still in the box and only $10!!! What a steal!! :) I didn't even know where I was going to put it at the time, but now I've found the perfect place. :)

So today I went to my Dr. appointment, and guess what...

I'm dilated 2 cm and 75% effaced!! He was very pleased with how I'm progressing. He can't predict when I'll go in to labor (as some women can walk around for week dilated at 2 - 3 cm). But he at least thinks that I won't go overdue.

The scary thing was that I had some bleeding when I got home. For anyone who's been through recurrent pregnancy loss, you know how frightening that is! I literally gasped when I saw it and felt panicked for a moment. But then I calmed myself down and remembered that he told me not to be surprised if that happens. He said that sometimes there will be bleeding during pregnancy after an exam. It's not a large amount by any means, and I think it has already almost stopped. But I'm still going to lie down and rest for a little bit and take it easy tonight. Has this happened to any of you??

I hope you're all doing well. I can't believe it's November 1st! Have a great week!

So What Do Y'all Think?

Here is our (almost) completed nursery!! I am definitely getting more excited and less panicked now that things are coming together.

The Dr. is going to check me this week. (Hope it isn't painful like last time!!) I'll let you know if I've made any progress yet toward labor!

Dr. appointment Update

At my latest appointment this week everything continues to look great. The doctor thinks I will go the fully 40 weeks. Last week I was 50% effaced and no dilation.

I need to post some pics. I have just been so busy trying to get everything ready for our baby. Today was spent shopping all day long wrapping up loose ends. I've finally gotten ALMOST everything. We still need the monitors and plan on getting the AngelCare ones. Have y'all seen those? They've gotten great reviews and are supposed to help prevent SIDS b/c they monitor movement and can detect when a baby is not breathing.

I'll try to get some pics up soon!

Thanks to all my Blog Friends + Bed & Dresser Pic

Thank you for all your sweet comments on my posts! It always warms my heart. I want to say a special thank you to those of you who continue to read my blog and comment even though you are still waiting for your baby. I know that it can be painful. But to tell you the truth, when I was right in the midst of going through the 4 miscarriages it always brought me so much hope when I would read stories of other women who were triumphing over recurrent pregnancy loss. I would think, "If they can do it, then I can too!!" I sincerely hope that I can bring someone hope that even despite all the odds it can happen!! I also love to mention my sister b/c even though she wasn't able to have biological children (due to unexplained infertility), she has 3 BEAUTIFUL children through adoption. Adoption is such a miracle too, and they are just as much a part of our family as all the other children. There is NO difference whatsoever in our hearts!!!

So all that so say... THANK YOU!! I appreciate each one of you so much who read my little blog. :)

I'm also posting a pic of Jay the other night working on the nursery. You can see the bed in the background with the bedding draped over it. In the floor is the dresser in about a million pieces!! It took him about 4 hours, but he got it together! And I love it!

I'll post more pics in the coming days. :)

Bump Shot from Last Week

This picture was taken last week. I was about 34 weeks. The background is our nursery walls! The top is Pale Pink Petal, and the bottom is the bead board wallpaper that I posted about previously. Jay did a great job and put in many hours on this! :)

I continue to be in awe and thankfulness every single day that things are going so well. I don't take a single day of pregnancy for granted. I continue to hope and pray for you who are longing for a baby. You are not forgotten!

I also read several blogs today of women remembering their babies that were lost through miscarriage. As I read, I remembered my sweet babies and thought of theirs as well. They are always near my heart and safe in the arms of Jesus. I love them so much and want to see them someday when I reach heaven.

I hope you all are doing well! Jay and I have been very, very busy today preparing our home for Baby Girl. I hope to post some pics soon of her finished nursery. Back to work. My laundry is calling! :)

A Few Updates

Gosh, I can't believe it's been so long since I posted. Here's what's been going on:

- Jay is almost finished painting the nursery! (Pics to follow when he is completely done.)

- We had our baby shower, and it was just WONDERFUL! Truly a dream come true!

- Our baby bed and dresser have arrived! Jay is going to pick them up TODAY!

- My mom had surgery and is thankfully doing well and is back home.

- And last BUT NOT LEAST, I am on my way to 35 weeks! Can you believe it?! For someone whom it was a miracle to make it to 8 weeks and now here I am at almost 35 weeks, I am SO incredibly thankful!! (Updated pic of me to come soon.)

Thank you for continuing to read my journey. I'm sorry that I've been absent lately. I've just been very busy trying to get ready for Baby. I've been working at home this morning trying to get things in order. Today's goal is to get my bag packed for the hospital!

I hope y'all are doing well! Have a wonderful fall day!

Pics Not Showing in Previous Post

I don't believe the pics from the previous post are showing. So I'll just include the links here:

Crib: http://i.walmartimages.com/i/p/00/65/45/82/38/0065458238208_500X500.jpg

Dresser: http://i.walmartimages.com/i/p/00/06/63/11/02/0006631102694_500X500.jpg

Thanks for looking! :)

Sciatica Update + Crib Sneak Peek

Well, actually it wasn't sciatica at all. So, in my last post, I told you about the terrible, shooting pain I was having in my leg. Ouch!!! Well, I hobbled to the doctor's office and found out that it wasn't actually sciatica but something very similar. With sciatica, the pain is on the outside of the leg. Mine was on the inside, which means that Baby Girl was irritating the nerves on the inside of the pelvis. (I don't remember what they're called.) Apparently, she's starting to make her way downwards, and I may have flair ups of this. Someone recommended I see a chiropractor. If it gets very painful again I may look into that!

The good news is that I'm SO much better!! Even that same day I was already a lot better and able to walk with just a small limp. Now I'm not limping at all.

I also got my blood checked for anemia b/c I've been SO tired. The results were great (even better than average). He said that I'm just so tired b/c my body is having to send all that oxygen to a growing baby.

This past weekend we drove over 2 hours and visited our Little Guy (our baby boy who was with us through foster care from birth to 7 months). I don't often talk about him on here, but my hearts aches for him almost every day. Sometimes I still cry b/c I miss him so much. And it's honestly still a real struggle at times to know that he's not going to be our baby b/c, in my heart, I felt as though I was his mommy. I guess it's just too painful to talk about, so I don't very often. HOWEVER, I will say that the Lord gives me the strength I need. I'm okay, and I know that He is in God's hands. The Lord heard our prayers and placed him in a wonderful home. For that I am SO grateful! So yes, it's very hard. But at the same time, I have peace knowing that he is loved and cared for where he is.

We had a wonderful visit. He's growing so much. I still love him as much as ever! He will always be very, very special to us.

So, up for this week: Jay is going to paint the nursery! We're going with a pale pink. It's so pretty & feminine. Also, I finally ordered a crib just this morning!! I've looked and looked and looked and finally made the decision! It's a good price and got great reviews. Here it is! I think it will go really well with our bead board wallpaper! Here is also a pic of the changer/dresser that we ordered. Love it! :)

I hope y'all all have a wonderful week!!! Enjoy this beautiful fall weather. Here in KY it's so nice out!

Bead Board Wallpaper + Sciatica, Anyone?

I love the cottage / shabby chic look. I'm slowly but surely making this the style of my home. And we're currently in the process of doing the nursery. Have y'all ever heard of or used bead board? I think bead board is so pretty and definitely has that cottage or shabby chic feel to it. So, I decided I wanted it in the nursery!

Jay put up the chair rail, and my mom and sister put up the bead board. But actually, I have a confession to make. This isn't real bead board. It's actually WALLPAPER!!! They had the whole nursery hung in 2 hours, and it looks just like the real thing! We got it at Lowe's. The brand is Allen + Roth.

Unfortunately, while the paper was being hung I was in bed. This morning I bent over to get a screwdriver out of a drawer. When I did, there was a terrible, sharp shooting pain in my right butt/leg area, and I could hardly even walk or lift my leg. I had to hold on to the wall to even get to my bed.

I had been sore in that area for several days but nothing like this! I called my doctor and they want to see me. I'm pretty sure it's sciatica pain (You know that nerve pain that some pregnant get). I'm still feeling the baby move a lot, and I think she's okay. I don't think there's much they can do for me. But my doctor is very thorough and careful with me, so I don't mind going in. I'm also going to get some blood work b/c I mentioned to the assistant that I have been very exhausted recently. So they're also going to check me for anemia.

I'll let you know how it goes! Thankfully, I'm already able to walk again. But I'm still limping. Hopefully it will keep getting better & better!!

Our Masterpiece

Look at this cake my sister & I made this week for my mom's birthday! I think it's the most beautiful thing I've ever made! haha Not only beautiful but SO delicious too!!

Today's creation: zucchini bread. Lately I've been using Paula Deen's recipe, and it's oh so yummy!

Have a great weekend!

Another Dr. Appointment Today

Today I had a great check-up. Everything is going so well, and I am SO thankful! I never take it for granted and always feel so happy and relieved when I leave the office after hearing good news. The old memories have actually faded, and I don't feel sick when I go to the office anymore. I wondered if that would ever happen, and it truly has. The new/good feelings and memories have overshadowed the bad. (It also helps that I only experienced 1 miscarriage with this doctor. The 3 prior to that were at another office that I don't go to anymore.)

So I'm now 31 weeks 3 days along. But my uterus is measuring 34 weeks! Yikes! :) He said that was fine, though, and nothing to worry about. I have been measuring a little ahead for a while now. He said he usually only gets concerned when someone measures behind. The baby's heartbeat was good & strong. My weight & blood pressure are good. I'd actually lost a couple of pounds, but we think that's probably due to the sickness I wrote about recently after eating all that RIDICULOUS amount of chili last week!!

It makes such a BIG difference if you have a good doctor. I just want to encourage you all that if you're not 100% satisfied with your doctor, keep searching until you find a really good one! It's SO worth it! I really love my doctor and am so thankful to have him. You know what's pretty amazing? He said that he gives his cell phone number to all of his pregnant patients when they reach 35 weeks so they can call him personally when they go into labor. He also delivers all of his patients' babies unless he is on vacation. Other than vacation, he comes in on weekends, nights and holidays and doesn't have a partner cover for him.

And on a fun fall note since I love cooking and baking.... Take a look at these ooey, gooey, messy caramel apples I made for Jay and me the other night. Yum-o-rama!!!

Hospital Tour + A Little Encouragement

Jay & I are in the process of taking all of our childbirth classes: infant care and safety, pre-registering, childbirth, breastfeeding, etc. In one of our classes last week we got to go on a tour of Labor & Delivery as well as see a postpartum room. To tell you the truth, I kind of had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. For me, hospitals don't have good memories. First of all, I worked in a hospital for several years. Second of all, I've been a patient in the hospital on multiple occasions for miscarriages and surgeries related to miscarriages. So the smells and sights on our tour kind of turned my stomach.

HOWEVER, I keep reminding myself that this time it's going to be DIFFERENT! This time it is a happy time. I keep telling myself that nothing is going to go wrong and that we are indeed having a healthy baby and that it will be a time of rejoicing. I praise the Lord for that!

So, I've been mulling around some ideas in my mind about how to make it a little more cozy, comfortable and homey so that I can be more relaxed during labor. I've decided that I want to bring several pillows from home along with some soothing music. I even thought about something scented lavender (I love that smell and think it's very relaxing). I'm wondering if any of you have some suggestions of things that help you to feel relaxed.

I also just want to say that I absolutely love it when someone finds my blog and has a similar story to mine and I'm able to encourage her. This has happened several times, and I want to thank those of you who contact me and comment on my blog. It really means a lot. And I hope that I can encourage you in some way. I know that I often say this, but I'll say it again: Miracles do happen!! Look at me.... Four miscarriages and now I'm over 31 weeks pregnant! Look at my sister.... 10 years of infertility and now a mom of THREE through the miracle of adoption!

God Bless you all!! And here is my email again in case anyone would like to contact me: creek jc @ nctc. com

Food Poisoning Update

Thanks so much for the comments on my last post about the food poisoning (or whatever it was I had). I'm so thankful that the baby has been moving as much as ever. I also spoke to the assistant at my doctor's office, and she told me that being sick like that won't hurt the baby as long as I stay hydrated. Now, I feel 100% back to normal. I'm so thankful for that!

And no more veggie chili for a LONG time!!! Ugh!!!

Food Poisoning

Yesterday I was so sick all day. I think I had food poisoning. Either that, or my body was just reacting to the massive amounts of veggie chili I'd eaten the day before. Honestly, that's probably what it was b/c, I'm not kidding, it was MASSIVE amounts!! I ate it for every single meal except breakfast. I had it for brunch, lunch, supper, and late night snack.

Then I woke up yesterday morning rushing to the bathroom at least 10 times. I stayed in bed until 3:30 p.m. I felt horrible. I did what I could to stay hydrated, as that's what my pregnancy book said to do. I did NOT want to go to the ER b/c I have terrible memories from that place. So I nursed myself with toast and juice until it passed.

Today I feel much better but still not 100%. I'm just pretty drained and my appetite is not very good.

And of course I've been worried sick over whether or not the baby is okay. I called my Dr. office and I'm waiting to hear back from them.

From everything I've read, the baby is well protected in utero and the main thing that can harm the baby is dehydration.

Has anyone else out there ever had food poisoning or stomach virus when pregnant? Please tell me that the baby was just fine! :)

I know it's silly to worry so much, but after so many miscarriages sometimes it's hard to always stay positive and not think about the "what ifs".

New York & Company - The West Village Collection - Go-Go Faux

Loving this look for fall!!

New York & Company - The West Village Collection - Go-Go Faux

Miscalculated!

Somehow I got an entire week ahead in my pregnancy. I'm not 30 1/2 weeks. I'm 29 1/2 weeks! So when I posted my b-day pic I was actually 28 1/2 weeks. Are you confused yet? haha Not sure how that happened b/c I thought I was so particular about counting every single week as a milestone.

In celebration of Fall, I have been baking up a storm. I absolutely love baking and cooking. It's one of my favorite things to do in the entire world! So today I baked up a batch of snickerdoodles that are PERFECT!! I love this recipe! So, if you're looking for a TERRIFIC cookie recipe, check this out: http://www.food.com/recipe/soft-snickerdoodle-cookies-97496 The only thing I did differently was not use quite as much cinnamon. Oh, and I also cut it in half b/c I knew that I didn't need ALL of those cookies sitting around tempting me!! Oh, they're so delicious!!!

I hope y'all are all having a wonderful start to Fall!!

Fashion Talk

Thanks for the sweet comments on my last post! :)

One of my bloggy friends commented that no wonder I'm so hot b/c I'm wearing jeans and a sweater in the South! You are SO right!!! haha It was burning up all that week, but I wanted to look cute for my birthday. ha! That is my one maternity top (all the rest are just big shirts), and I really wanted to wear it for my birthday! So I was definitely HOT! But now we are getting a cold front through Kentucky. It's only supposed to be in the upper 60's today! woohoooo!!!! It went from 100 to 60's overnight!

Another sweet friend commented on my shoes in the pic I posted. I got them at NY&Co, which is one of my all-time favorite stores! I love shopping there b/c they almost always have things on sale and/or a coupon to go with it! Plus, their stuff is super cute!

Things are still going well with my pregnancy. I'm still in awe every single day. I'm now 30 1/2 weeks. So many times Jay and I look at each other and say, "Can you believe that we're going to have a baby after everything we went through?" Just last night we talked about how this probably wouldn't be happening if I hadn't gone to Dr. K in Memphis. I know that God led me there, and I am SO thankful! It was the last thing I wanted to try, knowing that I wouldn't have peace about ending my pursuit of an answer to the miscarriages until I saw this one, last doctor and got his opinion. But even right up until the very moment of my septum surgery I remember having thoughts like, "You're crazy! You're having surgery, and you're not even sick! What if there's not even really a septum there? What are you doing?!" haha Well, I'm so glad I did it!

I hope you all have a wonderful day and a wonderful start to Fall. My heart goes out to everyone who so wants to be a mom. Just know that you're in my thoughts and prayers. Much love to you all!!!

29 1/2 Weeks

This was taken this week on my birthday. I was 29 1/2 weeks pregnant.

Each day is still a miracle, and I cherish every little kick.

I'm starting to get a little more uncomfortable physically. My feet swell & ache if I'm up too long. And I stay HOT & tired a lot!! But I'm not complaining. I don't mind one bit.

Just wanted to let y'all know that I'm still doing well. I hope you are too! I know that a lot of you are dreaming of having a baby, and I hope that you'll hold on to your dream and keep pursuing it's whether it's through private adoption, domestic, international, foster care, or biological. Miracles still happen!!! Much love to you all!

27w3d Dr. appointment

Wow! Yesterday I had one of THE best doctor's appointments ever. I don't EVER take a good pregnancy appointment for granted - not after all the bad reports of the past. Each good report is a miracle from God. And let me tell you, it made my day!!

First off, I'm 27 weeks and 3 days. Baby Girl is already weighing 2 lbs. 14 oz.! She's in the 78th percentile. He thinks she will be over 8 pounds at birth and tall. But no surprise there since I'm 5'9"!

My doctor said that everything looks great, and now I'm going to begin seeing him every 2 weeks. He was all smiles and said that he's so happy that I'm doing so well after all the problems I've had.

I'm just thrilled! Thank You, Lord!!

After that I went shopping at a consignment sale and met a fellow blogger. How neat! :) We just happened to run up on each other while shopping. It was my first time meeting a blog friend in real life.

Don't forget to listen to the broadcasts in my previous posts about m/c if you're interested! Also, if you're looking for a great RPL specialist, I like to mention my doctor on here every so often: Dr. Kutteh. He's great!

And, if anyone would like to email me, here it is: creek jc @ nctc. com

Have a wonderful day!!

Miscarriage: Grieving the Loss - II

Recently I posted part 1 to this broadcast. Today I'm posting part 2. If you haven't listened to part one yet, then you can listen to that here: Part 1.

This broadcast is from 2 couples who have been through miscarriage and understand the pain and heartache. Even the host (Dr. James Dobson) and his wife experienced miscarriage and infertility.

Please listen if you're going through the heartache of miscarriage yourself or know someone who is.

Click on the link below. Here's Part 2:

Broadcast

27 Weeks Today

For weeks (probably months) now I have been telling myself that if I can just make it to 28 weeks that I will finally relax a little. My doctor told me that a baby born at 28 weeks has a great chance for being totally healthy, without any lasting health issues (after a stay in the NICU).

And now I am one week away from that goal! I am already breathing easier and relaxing a little more day by day.

Thank You, Lord!! There were so many times when I couldn't even imagine being this far along. There were so many times when I wondered if I'd ever even make it to 8 weeks. I'm so thankful for the diagnosis and treatment I received and that I have made it this for. I'm praying for a continued healthy pregnancy and healthy baby in November!

Miscarriage: Grieving the Loss - Part I

I posted this a while back, but I'm not sure if anyone got a chance to listen. It was so good to hear these 2 couples speaking about their experiences with miscarriage. If you're going through this or know a friend who is, then I encourage you to listen. There is also a part 2 that I will post next time. Or you can go directly to the website and listen from there. I hope you have a wonderful day and are encouraged that you are not alone!!!

Just click on the link below:

Broadcast

26 1/2 Weeks

My Miracle at 26 1/2 weeks

Visiting with Little Guy

This past weekend we traveled over 2 hours to go see Little Guy in his new home. As most of you know, Little Guy was our foster baby that was with us from 6 days old to 7 months. He's only been gone 3 1/2 weeks. At one time we were told that we were most likely going to get to adopt him. But it all fell through.

My heart has been aching for him so badly. I miss him so much. I felt like he was my baby. But we keep trusting God and believing that God placed him in his family member's home for a reason. I may not understand it all. But I trust the Lord. And I am SO thankful that he is in a good home. His family welcomed us in to their home on Saturday to visit with our Little Guy. And we enjoyed it SO much!! He was so happy and smiling and "talking". He's obviously doing well. And for that I am so thankful.

My pregnancy continues to go well. I am getting very big (at least it seems that way to me!). I have really "expanded" (haha!) over the last few weeks. It's all in my stomach. And sometimes I think, "If I'm this big already, how big am I going to be at 40 weeks?!" :)

As I get closer to 26 weeks, each day I feel myself getting a little more relaxed in my pregnancy and not so worried that I'm going to lose the baby. That has been a fear that often tried to plague me. But I just keep hanging on and trusting the Lord.

I hope you all are doing well! I'll try to post another pic soon of the new, updated (and bigger!) me! :) Have a wonderful day!

Enjoying Pregnancy

Enjoying pregnancy has been such a foreign concept to me. This is my 5th pregnancy and, as you know, the first 4 ended in miscarriage. Pregnancy always meant fear, worry, uncertainty. Most days I was on pins and needles, hoping & praying that there would be a good report from the doctor, good numbers, a good ultrasound, a happy ending.

The Lord helped me through those tough times. There were times when I would almost lose hope and consider giving up the dream of a healthy pregnancy. But I'm so glad that I stuck in there and kept pursuing answers.

Now here I am almost 25 weeks pregnant. It's really just started sinking in lately. And for the first time ever, it's actually becoming fun to be pregnant. In the past I never got far enough along to look pregnant. Now, it's unmistakable. I have the belly, the backaches, the heartburn. ha! But you know what? I'm not complaining one bit!! I absolutely love it that I finally am obviously pregnant and that I feel pregnant and that I've made it this far.

I still have some anxiety b/c I know that it would be too early at this point to have the baby if something happened. But I just holding on day by day, getting strength from the Lord and looking forward to the point where I will be able to relax and know that if I went into labor that the baby would most likely be okay.

I don't take anything for granted with this baby and pregnancy. I'm so looking forward to my labor classes! I so look forward to registering for our shower! I'm SO excited for the shower my mother-in-law, mom, and sister will be giving us. I truly feel like each day is a miracle!

I've said this a lot, but I really do hope that I help someone to have hope when they hear my story.

I also want to give a shout out to all of the women pursuing adoption!! I read several adoption blogs, and I love them! Adoption holds a special place in my heart because of my my sister. She never had biological children. After 10 years of infertility she & her husband adopted their first child - my nephew. And now they also have 2 daughters - my two little nieces. Adoption is truly a miracle, a gift from God and so exciting!! I remember the huge shower we had for my sister, all of our family who came, their dream of parenthood becoming a reality when they brought my baby nephew home from the hospital. It was beautiful!! And today, my sister tells me that she honestly feels like she didn't miss out on anything by having her children through adoption. In fact, she feels that it's such a special miracle, and she loves to share her story with others. I agree 100%. I love my nephew and nieces so much, and my life wouldn't be complete without them!

Thanks for reading my blog today! :) I hope you have a wonderful day and remember that miracles still happen!!

creek jc @ nctc . com

Gestational Diabetes Test Today

This morning I went in for the gestational diabetes test where you drink the sweet stuff and get your blood drawn. It was normal!! I feel like every little test is a big milestone for me. I don't take any of my Dr. appointments for granted. I never just think, "Oh no big deal." I'm always a little nervous and asking questions and so thankful when I get a good report.

I go back in one month for an u/s just to check on Baby's growth. He doesn't think anything is wrong that needs to be checked (Of course I asked!). He just likes to do an u/s at that time b/c it's a good predictor of how big Baby will be at birth.

So far I've gained 18 pounds, which he says is right on track. He generally recommends women gain around 35 pounds total, and I'm already over halfway in my pregnancy. So 18 pounds is just right, he said.

I got to hear Baby's heartbeat again today via doppler, and it was so fast. The assistant called her a "Sugar Baby" and said that they really get going after the glucose test b/c they like that sugar!

So thankful that I can share another good report with you. After so many bad reports over the last few years, it feels soooooo good to have great news to share! Thank You, Jesus!

23 Weeks

SOOOOO many times I didn't know if I'd ever be able to have a picture of myself like this. It's a great feeling lately to look in the mirror and see that I'm actually pregnant and doing well. Sometimes I still feel like it's so surreal. I was out shopping Saturday and thought to myself, "I wonder if I look like a real pregnant lady!" ha It's just that sometimes it's still very hard for me to grasp and realize that this is real.

I've been missing Little Guy terribly, but I got to hear from his family and get pictures. He looks like he's doing well, and they say that he's happy and adjusting great. I'm SO thankful for that.

Well, just wanted to send you all a little belly bump photo on his Monday morning. And I hope that it encourages some of you to keep hanging on. Miracles can still happen!

Unexpected Trip to the Doctor

Well, I told y'all about the weird pains I was having in my last post. So this morning I called my doctor just to make sure it was normal. I tend to worry about every little ache and pain (thanks to RPL), so at first I wasn't going to call. But then I knew I'd worry if I didn't.

So I called, and my doctor wanted me to come in for an ultrasound. Cue increased worry! I was thinking, "Why do they want me to come in? Does he think something's wrong?!"

So I got there and had the u/s. I was analyzing every facial expression and comment of the u/s tech. I thought to myself, "What does that mean when she said 'Have a great weekend'? Does that mean that everything's normal?" It sounds ridiculous. But those are truly the thoughts I was having!

Anyway, to make a long story short, turns out that everything was normal!!!! NORMAL!!!!!! My cervix measured 3.9. He said that anything above 2.5 is good. Everything else looked great. Thank You, Lord!!!!!

I'm 23 weeks along tomorrow!

Kicking Pains - Normal?

So I'm almost 23 weeks along now. And just recently our baby has started kicking me in what feels like my cervix. I need to know if what I'm feeling is normal!

So I'll feel her moving around in there, and then BAM! There'll be a little shooting pain (sometimes I describe it as a *zing!*) that shoots through me and feels like it's my cervix. It sort of reminds me of the pain of that little brush when the gyn does a pap smear. But it's a little more painful than that.

Is this normal?? Has anybody else had these pains??

Family Talk Broadcast

If you're dealing with recurrent pregnancy loss, would you like to hear from someone who understands where you are or where you've been?

Or if you have a loved on dealing with RPL, maybe you'd like to know how you can comfort them and encourage them.

I recently found this broadcast on Family Talk, and it's GREAT!!! I hope it's an encouragement to you!

Family Talk Broadcast

xoxo,

Birdie

Missing Him

We said goodbye to our Little Guy Friday morning. It was painful. But I'm still in awe that God gave us the strength to do it. This was one of those things that a couple of months ago I thought I would never be able to do. It's amazing how God enables us to go through the things He's brought us to.

I miss Baby so much, though. I've thought about him so many times over the weekend and wondered how he is and what he's doing. Last night I just lay in bed and remembered his little curly hair, soft skin and smile... *sigh* I couldn't help but shed a few tears last night before I fell asleep, thinking of him.

I continue to trust the Lord, though. I know there was a reason for his leaving. And I take GREAT comfort in knowing that he is with a good family. I couldn't bear to know that he was with a family that wouldn't love him. But I truly believe that with this family he will be loved, taken to church, cared for and will receive all the best opportunities in life.

At one time I thought he would be mine. And even though he's not, I will never stop loving him or praying for him...

Today begins a few chapter. It's the first week that I'll be home again with just me and no children in almost a year (since we started foster care last September). Today I will begin to prepare for the baby that I longed for for so long. I am now 22 weeks pregnant. Can you believe it?! Thank You, Lord!! It's been a long, hard journey. And we still have a ways to go. But I'm so thankful to be this far. And now I'm going to start thinking about nursery colors and bedding and little pink clothes.

Before I got pregnant with this little girl I was to the place that I was just about ready to give up. I had been to an RE that didn't help me, spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars (maybe thousands), been through surgeries and was just about ready to be done with it all! I felt so burned out.

But then I just knew deep down in my heart that I wasn't quite ready for that yet. I felt like before I could have peace about stopping the pursuit that I needed to explore one more option. I had to drive 4 hours to get there, Jay had to take a day off work, and it included another surgery which meant another day off for Jay and a night spent in a hotel. But I knew in my heart that it was what I needed to do. And I'm SO incredibly thankful that we are now 22 weeks along with our little girl! Sometimes it still seems so surreal. And I definitely am aware that I am only a little over halfway there. I still struggle with thoughts and fears related to miscarriage (after going through it 4 times!!). But I just keep trusting, hoping, and moving forward.

Thank you for all your continued prayers and support. It really means so much to me. I hope that my story can bring some hope to you.

Leaving Us

After welcoming Little Guy into our home at 6 days old, loving him as my own child, watching him grow and flourish to be almost 7 months old, he will be leaving our home and going to live with a family member in a few days. The decision has been made, the plans are set, and we are preparing our hearts to say goodbye.

I am comforted in knowing that he is going to a good home. I believe they will love him and teach him about the Lord. Still, my heart aches. But God has given me peace.

Thank you for your prayers. I know it's going to be tough.

Finally....My Belly Pic!

So here I am! My husband took this tonight. I will be 21 weeks on Saturday, and I definitely have the bump now!!

Sometimes it still seems so surreal. I practically have to pinch myself! Today I signed up for prenatal classes at the hospital to learn about labor and delivery. It's so hard to believe that I am already halfway there. There were so many times when I just couldn't even imagine getting to this point. Through all the miscarriages and surgeries, sometimes I just couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I always tried to stay positive and trust the Lord. But it wasn't easy by any means. It was such a difficult time.

And now it's been very difficult b/c right now we are in the midst of possibly losing Little Guy - our nearly 7 month old foster baby who we'd hoped to adopt. At one point we were even told that we'd likely be able to adopt him, but now things are not looking favorable. We have been on a roller coaster for months now. So again, I continue to trust the Lord and pray for guidance.

I hope that I can continue to encourage you all with my pregnancy. After 4 miscarriages and 3 surgeries over the past 3 1/2 years, I know what it is like to be in the midst of the battle of recurrent pregnancy loss. But I hope that you will be encouraged that miracles do still happen and that maybe if it can happen for me that it can happen for you too.

Again, I want to post the info about the RE who finally helped me find the problem that other doctors missed: http://www.fertilitymemphis.com/our-team/william-h-kutteh-m-d-ph-d/

Thank you for your continued prayers and support!

Birdie

20 Week Scan

Today was my 20 weeks scan - the one that I kept looking to, thinking that I would finally relax and get excited when I got good results! And the results are in...

Everything was completely normal!!!!! NORMAL!!!! And they confirmed that we are having a girl!

I am so relieved and finally feel like I can start getting excited and telling more people. So far I have still only told a few people that I'm pregnant, mainly just those closest to me. My mom even bought the baby her first outfit today.

I'm so thankful today for a good report. After so many terrible reports it sure feels good to finally have wonderful pregnancy news. And I hope that I encourage you all that miracles still happen!!!

High Heels are a Pain!

Thank you Thank you Thank you for the reassurances y'all gave me about the pains I'm having in the lower sides of my abdomen. It really did make me feel much better!!!

But let me tell you what happened to me Saturday...

First of all, BIG MISTAKE: I wore high heels. I enjoy wearing heels. They don't normally bother me. But trust me, I'll never do it again while pregnant. I literally almost couldn't get out of the car when we arrived back home. My left side (lower abdomen, ligament area) was hurting SO bad!! And when I lifted my leg to get out of the car I almost couldn't do it.

I limped in to the house, and my husband had to help me into bed. He was asking me, "Do you need to go to the doctor??!" But I was adamant, "I am NOT spending the day in the emergency room!!!"

After I laid in bed for a while and rested and laid on my right side, the pain went away. It scared me. But, at the same time, it was not like pain I've had with miscarriages before. It wasn't cramping pain, and it was only on one side. So I was pretty sure that it was the ligament.

Thankfully I'm MUCH better now. But I'm going to have to really watch what I do and NO MORE HEELS!!!

Also, I got my alpha-fetoprotein lab result back. And it was NORMAL!!! I was so relieved when I tore into the envelope to read the results. I hadn't blogged about it, but I was nervous and praying that everything would be normal. It checks for things that can be wrong with the baby.

Thank you so much for your continued support. You all mean a lot to me!

And as far as Little Guy goes... We are still waiting. We have not heard any more news. We're still praying for a miracle that we will be able to adopt.

Achy Pains

So I've been having these sharp pains in the sides of my lower abdomen. And my lower abdomen almost constantly feels a little crampy/burning. My doctor says it's normal. He says that it's from all the uterine stretching going on. He also says that the sharp pains are most likely from the ligaments stretching.

Have any of y'all ever had that?

Sometimes I get the sharp pain when I cough. Most often I get it while trying to roll over in bed. And sometimes when getting up from a sitting position. Sometimes it's even sore when I press on it.

Of course, b/c of RPL, it's hard for me to not worry about things like this. Just looking for a little reassurance from my bloggy friends.... :)

17 Weeks!!

My stomach's getting bigger!! I know that I've yet to post a pic... Gotta do that soon!!! I'm getting more excited, but I'm still being cautious, I know. Even though everything looks great, sometimes it's hard to really take it all in and believe that everything is truly going to be okay. However, I'm trying to stay positive and not worry!!

Things with Little Guy are still all up in the air. It has been very, very hard. If we can just get him adopted and also deliver a healthy baby.... How wonderful that will be!!!! At the same time, though, I'm reminded to give my burdens to Jesus NOW and choose not to worry.

I hope you all are doing well and enjoying summer. It's so hot here!! But I don't really mind. I'm just so glad to be feeling better. After being so nauseous for so long, I am finally starting to feel more like my old self. I also have a bit more energy too. I've been told by some people that the 2nd trimester is great! I'm starting to believe it! :)

Thanks so much for reading! And I promise to try and get that pic up soon!!! :)

It's a ___________!!!!!

I had an u/s yesterday, and guess what....

We're having a girl!!!!!!

The tech was almost positive but won't say 100% for sure until my 20 week appointment.

I'm 17 weeks now. This is incredible!! I didn't know if I'd ever get this far. Thank You, Lord!!!!!!!

Little Bump

I am still doing well. I am starting to get a small belly bump, and I just can hardly believe it every time I look down and see it. It all seems so surreal. I remember so many times when I wondered if I would ever be able to carry a baby. I know I still have a long ways to go, but I'm so thankful for getting this far.

I hope it brings others hope. When I read stories and blogs of women who struggled with RPL being able to conceive and have babies, I never feel bitter or angry. I always feel like, "Wow, if they can do it, then maybe I can too!!" It always brings me a lot of hope. I LOVE to read the success stories!!! I hope that mine will be a great success story too and that you'll be encouraged and know that miracles still happen!!

Today is going to be a great day. Two of my BFFs from college are coming to visit me. I can hardly wait!!! It's a day when all my troubles are going to melt away. I'm not going to worry about adoption, pregnancy...anything!!! I'm going to have FUN!!!

I hope you all have a GREAT Memorial Day weekend!! God Bless You!!

P.S. I'll try to get Jay to take my pic soon and post a pic of the baby bump!

Roller Coaster

I know that I have been so terrible about updating my blog lately.

I have felt like I'm on such a roller coaster with fostering Little Guy. Last week we got wonderful news from our social worker that it was looking like we were going to get to adopt. I was SO incredibly happy and thankful!!! Then I saw her today, and her demeanor had changed. Now she is not so sure that it's going to work out for us. Last week she was very confident. Today, she called it a "shot in the dark". We go from the mountaintop to the valley just like that. I try to stay calm because I think of our baby that I'm carrying. But sometimes I can't help it when I hear the bad news and my heart pounds or I feel a hot stab through my chest and abdomen. However, God has given me a lot of peace throughout this whole experience, and I can honestly say that I'm doing well considering everything. And I'm SO thankful that I know that I am serving the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I'm not going to get discouraged due to my circumstances. I'm going to keep looking to God!!

I go back to the doctor in about 2 weeks for an u/s to find out the sex of our baby!!! It's so hard to believe that I'm this far along!! I'm over 15 weeks!!!!!! This is nothing short of a miracle! Thank You, Lord!!

I'm STILL sick and very tired. I'm still taking zofran and phenergan but have been able to cut back some. So I believe that I'm slowly getting a little better. I still feel pretty sick and exhausted the majority of the time, though. But I'm not complaining. I'm just thankful to still be carrying this sweet baby!!

Thank you so much to those of you who are still reading my blog and sending me comments and asking about me. It really means so much!! I'm going to TRY to post more regularly b/c it does mean so much that you all pray for me and want to follow along in our journey. God Bless You All!!

Ultrasound - Almost 13 Weeks

I wanted to post last night, but I was so exhausted. Plus, it was storming so we didn't think we should turn on the computer.

I went to my u/s, and the first thing the tech said was, "I see a heartbeat!! And it just did a little bounce!" She knows I've had 4 m/c, so she is very understanding and reassuring.

The baby actually looked like a baby. I've never ever been even close to this far along before. It was so neat!

According to my dates I am 12 weeks 5 days.

According to my u/s measurements I am 13 weeks 3 days.

According to my Dr.'s measurements of my abdomen with a tape measure I am almost 15 weeks.

The heartbeat ranged from 156 - 159. And I got to hear it with a doppler! First time EVER for that!!

Of course it concerned me that I'm measuring bigger than my dates, but he said it is nothing at all to worry about and that I may have a big baby. He mentioned me being tall. I am about 5'9".

He said that everything is perfect!

I'm going back in 4 weeks to find out the gender. Then 3 weeks later will be the big anatomy scan where they check the baby's organs, brain, etc. Once that is over I will breathe a big sigh of relief!!!

In the meantime, we are still working hard for Little Guy and praying praying praying for continued divine intervention!! God has already done so much. There is still hope that he will be ours to adopt. We are not giving up!

Now, I'm so very exhausted, so I think I'll go lie down. Thank you for reading, and thanks for your encouraging comments!! :)

Ultrasound Coming Up

Tomorrow will be my first u/s in 4 weeks! I'm nervous b/c it all seems so surreal. I haven't been having any problems. I'm still sick. My stomach is ever so slightly growing. But I'm wondering if everything is truly okay. It's been 4 whole weeks!!

I'll try to post tomorrow evening and let you now how it goes!!

But God...

Dear Blog Friends,

I haven't posted lately b/c I've had a lot on my mind with Little Guy. Little Guy is our nearly 5 month old foster son. He came into our home at 6 days old and has been with me nearly 24/7 ever since. I became his mommy, and it looked so favorable that we would adopt. His birth mom wants us to adopt. She knows he is best with us.

However, 2 weeks ago the birth father appeared in the picture. Just last night I found out that he has brought forth a distant family member who wants Little Guy. As a foster parent, we have no rights. Unless God intervenes, Little Guy will leave our home in about 45 - 90 days. That is the time it will take to do all the evaluations on the relative.

I know that I have not talked about Little Guy a lot on this blog. That's simply b/c I'm not allowed to post pics of his face or give too many details. So I have just steered clear for the most part. But don't let that fool you into thinking that he has not been my life for the past 5 months. He is (in my heart) my baby, my little son. He is attached and bonded to me. I tell him all the time that he is my little best friend. We're together all the time. I stay home with him, and day in and day out we are playing, reading books, I'm feeding him bottles, giving him baths.... Everything any mom would do. I tell him all the time, "Mommy loves you." When it's time to nap I put him down and say, "It's time to rest. Mommy loves you." He still sleeps in the bassinet beside our bed, and I still check him every night to make sure he's breathing...

And yet GOD....

God is giving me peace. I can't explain it. I only know that were it not for Him I would be going crazy right now. I couldn't take it. I would be frantic, hysterical, probably on my way to a breakdown. But God...

But God is my strength. I've prayed to Him daily, sometimes hourly... A prayer is never far from my lips and always in my heart that Little Guy will be ours. I will NOT stop asking God to intervene. But I know that in the end, whatever happens, I must accept it and continue to love Him and trust Him.

I'm looking at this sweet baby right now. Sweet little thing....

God, above all, protect this sweet child of yours. Protect his little heart. And may He grow up to know You and love You and live for You with all his heart!

Why I Haven't Posted

A lot has been going on since my last post. Everything is still going well with my pregnancy as far as I know. Okay, I did start to worry a little bit the last couple of days because my stomach isn't really showing anything. I do have a small pooch, but that's it. In fact, I feel like I've lost weight. I haven't weighed myself. But my appetite is not good with being nauseous the majority of the time, so I feel like I must have lost a little. I asked my mom if that was normal to not be showing yet (except for a small pooch that most people would never even notice), and she said that it is. I'm almost 11 weeks pregnant now, and she said that she didn't "show" with one of my brothers until she was about 4 1/2 months pregnant.

Okay, that made me feel better!! I guess it just seems surreal b/c I haven't had an u/s in a couple of weeks. And a visible sign of a changing, growing belly would make me feel better!

There has still been no bleeding or cramping! And I stopped my progesterone last night. Woohoo!!!

So the reason I haven't posted is because of the situation with Little Guy. I have been so engrossed with our sweet 4 1/2 month old baby. We are praying that he'll soon be adopted by us. But last week, a distant relative came forward saying that she wants him. I can't give a lot of details b/c of the confidentiality issue. But we are praying praying praying that this will not happen. We are asking God for a miracle! No one wants him to go. But our state law says that a family member (even distant) has priority over a foster parent. However, it's not over by any means. A lot of things would have to happen first. And we are praying!!!!! God can do a miracle!! God can change this situation in an instant!!!

I also hope that none of you were affected by the tornadoes in the South. We did have some bad weather, but it mostly passed us and went farther south. I feel so sad for the people down there.

Thanks to those who have checked in on me. It always warms my heart! :)

I've Never Had an Appointment Like That

So I wanted to tell y'all a little more about my ultrasound appointment last week. I already told you that everything went really well and looked great. But I didn't tell you much about how I felt afterwards.

That night when I was lying in bed with Jay it was almost surreal. I said, "Do you realize that today's appointment was just the opposite of all the other appointments I've ever had?" I almost couldn't believe it was really happening!!

In the past, all of my ob appointments have been just terrible!! I've always experienced things like: bleeding, follow-up from a trip to the ER, an u/s that showed the heart had stopped beating, surgery follow-up, m/c follow-up.... I've never ever ever had a good pregnancy appointment.

Until Thursday.

Sometimes I have to pinch myself! I am now 9.5 weeks pregnant. This is at least 2 weeks farther than ever before.

I heard my doctor say things like, "Everything looks PERFECT!" "I think this is going to go off without a hitch!" The nurses were telling me, "Congratulations!!" Everyone was smiling.

And it was really funny when I told my doctor about Little Guy (our sweet 4 month old baby that we are in the process of trying to adopt through foster care). He and the nurse both laughed!! They were probably thinking, "She's going to have her hands full!!" haha

Some of you reading this have always had good pregnancy appointments. And others are like me. You've been disappointed and hurt a lot. I just hope that this encourages someone that sometimes the "impossible" really happens. I hope that it give someone hope.

And of course I am still HIGHLY recommending my specialist in Memphis who found the problem that other doctors missed: http://www.fertilitymemphis.com/our-team/william-h-kutteh-m-d-ph-d/ He specializes in RPL. It's been exciting lately to "meet" (through my blog) 2 women who have been to Dr. K and also to know another who has a first appointment coming up!

But ultimately, I give God praise for getting me this far. I'm trusting Him day by day! I still have a long ways to go. But it's all in His hands.

And I haven't talked much about Little Guy lately.... I'll try to do a post about him soon. I love him SO much!!!! It is looking favorable that we will be able to adopt!! I'll keep you posted on that as soon as I know something more definite. He's been with us since birth through foster care, and he's our miracle baby!!! I'm not allowed to post pictures or give a lot of details. Otherwise, I'd be talking about him a lot more on here!!

I also want to encourage anyone who may be interested in adoption to keep looking into it. Get more info and see if it might be for you. You might even be interested in foster care! In our county, sadly, they have had a lot of babies recently come into foster care. Just last week they called me for a newborn baby girl! They were picking her up at the hospital that afternoon. I had to say no, though, b/c I knew it would be too much right now. If you have any questions about foster care, please email me: creek jc @ nctc. com

And my last little update is that yes, I am still sick. Yesterday I felt very sick. Thankfully, this morning I am feeling a little better. I took my zofran before I even got out of bed, so it has helped immensely.

Thank you all for your continued prayers. I love getting your sweet and encouraging comments!!