Saturday, December 31, 2011

It Was the Best of Times...It Was the Worst of Times...


At the beginning of 2011 Jay & I were foster parents to 2 very special little boys. One of them we knew would return home. He was with us for 6 months. It was still hard to let him go, but we knew he needed to be back with his family.

The next day after he left I found out I was pregnant for the 5th time after 4 miscarriages. Oh, how I prayed that this time would be different. This time the septum had been removed, and we had renewed hope. But each day I was on pins and needles that something might go wrong.

In the meantime, our other child that we cared for through the foster system was a newborn baby who stayed with us for 7 months. He came to us straight from the hospital. I was the only mommy he knew. In my heart, he was mine.

We were told we'd most likely be able to adopt him. We were even told at one point that we would probably have him adopted within 6 months. I loved him so much then and I love him still. I love him as if he were my own.

But sadly, he had to leave us in the summer and went to live with a cousin. And I still miss him To be 100% honest with you, it still sometimes feels like someone else has my baby and that he should be with us. My heart still aches, and I miss him so very, very much. Being a foster parent and letting him go was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life. My heart still aches.

HOWEVER, I do have to give the Lord thanks & praise that he went to a very good home. They love him and take wonderful care of him. And I have to trust the Lord and believe that He heard our prayers and answered. He didn't answer exactly how we'd hoped, but he has protected our sweet boy and placed him in a wonderful home. I trust the Lord. Only He knows what the future holds and knows what is best. Even though I don't understand and even though it hurts, I believe that He is where he is supposed to be. And for that I am so thankful.

After he left, I was able to start focusing more on my pregnancy. And lo and behold, I kept getting farther and farther along without any complications!!! Even though sometimes it felt like a dream, it was real!! I was pregnant and actually doing well and going to bring home my sweet healthy baby from the hospital after 9 months.

Each month was a milestone. Each Dr. appointment was a sweet relief! Each good report was an answered prayer!

My little Baby Bird was born November 21st, 2011. She is our miracle baby. She is our dream come true. She is our answered prayer. I am SO thankful for her every single
day. Sometimes I can still hardly believe it! After 4 miscarriages and 4 years since we started trying to have a baby, she is finally here. I am so in love with her and so grateful that she is mine.

In some ways 2011 was the most difficult year of my whole life. But in other ways it was the most wonderful.
I pray that 2012 will continue to be wonderful. I pray that the year will hold many blessings and joy. And no matter what, I thank the Lord that He will be with me every step of the way.

I pray that 2012 will be a good year for you all and hold much joy. If you are longing for a baby I hope that this is the year that your dream will come true. And most of all, I pray that you will know our Savior Jesus Christ and feel His presence with you always.

God Bless You!!


E said...

AWWW...Birdie. Hugs. So glad your dream came true. You are a wonderful person.

Sarah said...

What a roller coaster of a year. So happy you are holding your miracle rainbow baby. I still cry every time I read your words about lil guy...I hope he is doing well and that the Lord continues to work in his life for His Glory.

Elizabeth said...

so incredibly happy for you!

Anonymous said...

Cute pictures. You are blessed!!

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