Wednesday, February 23, 2011


Today was a big day for Little Guy - his 2 month immunizations. Sweet baby cried big for about 30 seconds. Then the crying stopped, and he's back to his little self. He's sleeping right now, and I hope and pray that he doesn't have any reactions.

A couple of days ago I received my Moby Wrap in the mail. A friend highly recommended it! It's a wrap that's actually very comfortable to wear. I ordered mind from Amazon. Here are a couple of different wrapping styles. Little Guy seems to like it, but it'll take a little more getting used to for both of us.

I love this sweet baby so much!!
Last night I bought some Mucinex and started taking it. I used it with my 3rd pregnancy. I had been TTC for about a year, and I got pregnant the very month I used the Mucinex. Coincidence? I don't know! We'll see if it works that quickly this time!

Also, that pregnancy was the first one that we got far enough along to hear a heartbeat. Sadly, I miscarried. I hope and pray that was b/c of the septum which is now gone! I pray that I never have another miscarriage. Don't we all!! Even one miscarriage is one too many!!

I'm still praying daily for Little Guy. He is thriving in our home, and I can't imagine life without him. I am so in love!

Big Guy continues to do well. He's going on overnight visits with his parents and seems to be adjusting well. I continue to have peace, knowing that he'll still be a part of our lives once he returns home. We'll get to see him every Sunday if his parents continue to let him come to church like they said they will.

I hope you all have a lovely day! Spring is on the way here in KY!! I love it!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

I Had to Turn Down a Baby

First of all, let me say thanks for the comments I've been getting on my blog. It's always so encouraging! :) I have not started taking Mucinex yet. It's so expensive for a box! But I'll probably get some in the next couple of days and get started on it.

Well, did my title catch your eye? Yes, it's true: I turned down a baby last week. Not only one baby but.... Well, let me just start at the beginning.

As a foster family, we never know when we will welcome a child into our home. It could happen any day. Literally, we may get a call from the social worker telling us about a child and asking if we can take them and within a couple of hours they will be in our home.

With Big Guy, we knew a few days in advance. With Little Guy, they called us that morning and by that afternoon I was sitting on my couch holding a newborn baby!!

Well, last week I was here at home taking care of the kids when I got a phone call. It went something like this:

"Birdie, this your social worker. You're going to hate me..."


"Well, I've got a 3 month old baby that needs to be placed today. Would you be able to take her?"

Everything in me wanted to say YES!!!!!!!!! I knew that I could do it. But I knew in my heart that I couldn't do it well - not with already caring for a 2 month old and a 3 year old.

But oh wait, it gets even better....

"Birdie, here's the real kicker: The mom is pregnant again. So if the 3 month old is still in care when her sibling is born, that baby would come to you too."

WHAT??!!! Are you kidding me??!!! I've gone from 4 miscarriages and trying to have a baby since 2007 to a 3 year old, 2 month old, 3 month old and a baby on the way????!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you know how much it grieved me to say no???!

But I had to say no because I just knew that it would be too much for me right now. And the social worker was VERY understanding. She said, "I'll be honest with you. I couldn't do it. But I wanted to offer you the chance."

If I had only Little Guy right now I would have probably said yes. I've always wanted twins anyway! :) But Big Guy is still with us for a few more weeks, so I just knew in my heart that it wasn't the right timing. I didn't have peace. Neither did Jay.

It wasn't long until the social worker found another good home for the baby. The couple doesn't have any kids, and they were thrilled! I'm so thankful for that!! I prayed that God would place her in a wonderful home where she would be well taken care of.

But wait! My story doesn't stop there!....

A few days later I got another call out of the blue:

"Birdie, have you ever thought about fostering medically fragile children? I know you're a nurse, and we've got a 3 year old that's coming into care today."

She told me in depth about this sweet little girl and her medical problems but how the doctor thinks she would do really well with someone who could provide good care. But I just knew that I couldn't provide so much one on one care right now with Big Guy & Little Guy both in our home. Again, they were very understanding. For now she will go to a convalescent home until she is more stable. Then they might contact me in a few weeks after Big Guy is back in his parents' custody.

Ladies, there were NO available foster homes to take this precious little girl! All of the homes trained for medically fragile children are full.

Again, my heart was so heavy. And I prayed for this precious little girl to receive good care and the love & attention that she so desperately needs.

Being a foster mom is like being on a roller coaster in so many ways. You never know when you'll get the call. But, in our experience, you can always be sure that a call will be coming. We found out about Big Guy the very same day that we were approved to be foster parents back in September. And since September, we have had 3 children in our home plus 2 more that we couldn't accept. You never know when it will lead to adoption, but we know of SO many foster families that have adopted.

We are still praying daily for Little Guy. I am SO in love with him. I am the only mother he knows. And I know that I couldn't love him any more than if I'd given birth to him. We also love Big Guy but have peace in knowing that he will be returning to his parents soon. And we're so thankful that we'll still get to see him because they are going to allow him to still attend church with us.

Daily I find rest in knowing that God hears my petitions, and He is in control!! I'm SO thankful that it's not up to me to work it all out. I trust in Him.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Mucinex for TTC

Has anyone ever taken Mucinex when TTC? I did with pregnancy #3, and it worked. Well, it worked to get me pregnant pretty quickly. But of course I miscarried. However, I'm very hopeful that was caused by my septum which is no longer there!

I'm thinking of trying the Mucinex again. The basis for using it is that is thins your mucus, making it easier for implantation to occur.

This morning I had a terrible feeling when talking to the social worker. I was reminded of the reality of fostering: We are NOT the parents. We are caring for the children until the parent(s) are able to parent. It may lead to adoption and it may not. I love our Little Guy (our sweet baby 2 month old) with all my heart, but for now I will have to be content knowing that it's all in God's hands. I can't bear to think of losing him. But I'm just not going to even let myself go there right now. One day at a time...

Big Guy (our sweet 3 year old) has been going on overnight visits with his parents. So far all has gone well. He'll be back in their custody soon. I'm going to miss him, but God has given me the strength and peace I need. I see that they love him, and to know that they want him to still attend church with us every Sunday is such a huge blessing!!! I can't even describe how much good that has done me!!

I guess I'm feeling a little down today, thinking of how much I want to be a mom. I know I'm already a mom. I'm a foster mom to a sweet baby & 3 year old. And I'm a mom to the 4 babies that are with Jesus now. I know that. But I so long to be a mom to my children that the Lord will allow me to raise and care for and be mine and my husband's and no one else's. If that is through biological children - wonderful! If that is through adoption - wonderful! And if through both - even better!!! :)

I'm thinking of trying a new recipe to help lift my spirits. :) I've been on a Julia Child kick lately. I've only just discovered her, and I love her! I've tried 2 of her recipes so far, and they've been huge hits. First, was the chocolate almond caked that I recently blogged about. The second is an upside down apple tart (pictured below). It was DELICIOUS!!!! But prepare to be in the kitchen for a while if you're going to cook a Julia Child recipe. There are no shortcuts!

Next up is a lemon tart! I'll let you know how it turns out.

Thanks so much for all the comments I've been getting. They really brighten my day. :) I love to know that my blog is actually getting read. And even better, I love to know that you're praying for me. :) It's also wonderful to know that I'm encouraging someone.

I hope you have a wonderful, sunny day! Southern Kentucky is just beautiful today!

This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

Sunday, February 13, 2011

I Thought I Was Pregnant

Yesterday I got up early and took a pregnancy test. I didn't see a line at first. But later when I came back, I thought I saw the tiniest slightest tinge of a pink line on the strip. (I know... You're not supposed to read the results after 5 minutes so I should have known better!!)

My heart fluttered a little when I saw the tiniest line in the history of pregnancy tests. So I tested again. Again, I thought maybe possibly.... Could it be???? A teeny tiny pink line? Or maybe not? It was so minuscule that I kept holding it up to the light and inspecting it like a scientist might inspect a slide under a microscope. ha!

I told my husband, "I think I might be pregnant, but I'm not sure." Then probably an hour later I started my cycle!!! At least I didn't have long to build up excitement only to be disappointed!

So obviously there was NO line there (except in my imagination! ha!). And I was disappointed.

But still, there was that relief deep down that I have one more month without thoughts of miscarriages and surgeries....

One more month to get in shape.
One more month to lose a few pounds.
One more month to prepare myself for pregnancy.

Still, it would have been such a blessing to be pregnant. But you've gotta look at the bright side of things, right?

Maybe next month!!

In the meantime, Big Guy and Little Guy are doing wonderfully. I'm a bit sleep deprived every day. But Little Guy is starting to sleep a lot better and usually only wakes up once in the night now. He'll be 2 months old tomorrow!

I hope you're all having a lovely weekend!!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Kicked to the Curb

So a couple of days I was pondering my messy house, thinking of how I desperately needed to catch up on dishes, laundry, etc. when something caught my eye on top of my dryer. I have a little set of plastic drawers that I bought a couple of years ago to help myself stay organized. I had a system: the most urgent mail in the top drawer (like bills that are due), less urgent mail (maybe a magazine that I want to look at) and then in the bottom drawer, stuff to be filed away.

Yeah, I know. Not very scientific, but it worked for me. At least at first. But slowly, all the drawers began to fill with medical bills & receipts, surgery papers, aftercare instructions & medical records. The drawers were so full that I could barely stuff another piece of paper in them!

So a couple of days ago I realized how much I really dislike seeing all those papers protruding from the drawers every single time I do laundry, reminding me of doctors visits & miscarriages.

And that's when I decided...

It's got to GO!!!

I started pulling those papers from the drawers, separating anything useful into one pile and all the rest into the biggest pile doomed for the shredder.

I'm happy to say that every single medical record is gone!!! I'll no longer sit and mull over those papers or be reminded of them every time I throw a load in the dryer.

My husband asked me, "Why did you do that?? Won't you need those?"

Nope. I'll never need them again. I've already decided that my RPL specialist in Memphis is the last doctor I'm going to for treatment. He already has all the records, and there's no sense in keeping them.

And you know what?

I feel so free!!!! :)

And the funnest part was when Big Guy & I dumped the shreds out, tossed them in the air and threw them into each others' hair!!! :)

Monday, February 7, 2011

Thank you, Mrs. Child!!

Me & the Chocolate Almond Cake that has been tempting me all day!!

I mentioned in my last post that since dealing with recurrent pregnancy loss it has become increasingly important for me to do things I enjoy. It could be easy to get depressed and anxious. So I keep moving forward, finding things that make me happy! One of the things I love to do is cook & bake! So yesterday I spent at least an hour making this lovely chocolate & almond cake. Jay's verdict on the cake: "This is the best chocolate cake I've ever eaten!" SUCCESS!!! Thanks, Julia Child, for your delicious recipe! I look forward to trying more of your wonderful creations!

Other things that have helped keep my chin up are plans for fixing up our house this spring. I've made a long list of things I want to do and am so excited to be able to start on it! I also enjoy being involved at church. I was an assistant Sunday School to the little ones until we got Little Guy. For now I'm taking a break so I can care for him. I love working in my flowers, shopping, reading, watching movies, working out & getting massages (although, these are few and far between!). I love going on trips, even if they're just for the weekend. And I love spending time with my BFFs from college. I love canning with my mom and sister. Oh, and going out to eat is a real treat! We don't do it a lot, so I don't take it for granted!

And the most important thing of all....Being a foster mom!!! This is the most rewarding thing I've ever done. Everyone says that the children are so blessed to be with us. But I beg to differ. WE are the ones receiving the hugest blessing!! :)

What are some things that bring you happiness?

Sunday, February 6, 2011

An Overdue Update & an Answered Prayer

I'm in love with this little guy!! I recently took Big & Little Guy to get their pics made. Love those little soft feet!

I just love going to antique shops! Yesterday Jay & I visited Lebanon, TN. They have some cute shops on their square, and I got some ideas for some shabby chic furniture. It's sooo good to get out of the house & have a date day!

How can one little boy make such a huge mess??! ha! Big Guy loves doing crafts! This is some of his birthday loot! He just turned 3!

Last week we celebrated Big Guy's birthday by getting him a Happy Meal, taking him to the park and then to the movies. The next day we hosted a big party at our house. Jay & Big Guy are buddies!

This was his birthday morning. I decorated and had all of his wrapped presents sitting on the table for him when he woke up. This was after all the unwrapping! His party was the next day, where he got a lot more goodies!

I've found that dealing with RPL makes is even so much more important for me to do the things I enjoy. Recently my mom & I made apple jelly. It turned out yummy and was even better for my spirit!

Something else that does my spirit good....Sonic! ha! Jay & I enjoyed ice cream on a date day a few weeks ago. I got the Reese's Blast, and he got the Snickers.

We also went out to eat at a little country restaurant in Elizabethtown, KY. Ever heard of the movie Elizabethtown with Orlando Bloom? This is the town it was filmed in. It's about an hour & a half from us. Here I am digging into some fried green tomatoes!

The kids are doing great. I really appreciate my blog friend who sent a comment asking for an update! :) Thanks, Ellen! Thanks for all of my comments! It means so much to know that y'all are reading and that you care!

We have a return date on Big Guy. March 15th he will be back in the custody of his parents. God has given us so much peace and has truly done a miracle - His parents want him to continue to attend church with us. I've prayed about this many times, and they came to this decision without any pressure other than my quiet, earnest prayers. Thank You, Lord!! March 15th will not be goodbye. It will be, "See you on Sunday morning!" And he will continue to learn about our Savior in a church where he is dearly loved by all!

Little Guy is getting cuter by the minute!! He is filling out. His cheeks and legs are getting chubby! :) Sometimes I just kiss him all over his little face! :) We still know nothing of whether we be able to adopt. I pray about this throughout the day, every day.

Jay & I are still TTC. We are currently in that waiting period. We should know if I am pregnant within 2 weeks. Time to order more pregnancy tests!! To tell you the truth, I don't even want to think about it right now! I want a baby. I just want to think about possibly having another m/c. I'd rather think about planning a trip to the beach! ha! But I don't think that's in our budget right now!

Hope everyone has a lovely day!! I'm enjoying reading all of your blogs!