Friday, April 30, 2010

Still Waiting

So it's still too early to test...

I'm hoping it's positive.

I'm also afraid that it will be positive.

Anyone who's experienced miscarriage will understand that.

But I KNOW who's in control!! I'm trusting the Lord and know that it's all in His hands!!

Sunday, April 25, 2010


Since our miscarriage in October last year, my husband & I have been on a long break from trying to conceive. Because it was my 3rd miscarriage I began undergoing testing. I've been poked, prodded, examined, seen 3 different doctors, had an HSG (which was normal!!), & once had 10 tubes of blood taken from me at one visit! I've had months of waiting... waiting for this appointment, waiting for that result, waiting waiting waiting! And after 6 long months and nothing but normal results, we are FINALLY trying to conceive again.

Six months is a LONG time when you're 30 years old & haven't had your first child yet. Six months is a LONG time when you've been trying to have a baby for 2 1/2 years. Six months is a LONG time when your dream is to be a mom, when you're longing to hold your baby in your arms & when you're watching so many of your friends become moms. I'm so happy for them. Thankfully, the Lord has helped me to not be bitter (most of the time). I do have moments of sadness & heartache, though. It's especially hard for me when I remember my last baby. I had heard his or her little heart beat on that terrible day spent in the emergency room. That was the only baby where I was far enough along to hear a heartbeat. It's very painful for me to think about so that I can barely even write about it. BUT I can say with FULL confidence that my baby is with Jesus!!! He or she is safe & happy, and for that I am so grateful. I know that I'll see him or her someday. I don't understand it all now. But the Lord knows. At times like these, I just put my trust in Him... Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus!

So now... here we are 6 months after my 3rd miscarriage, waiting again. This time I'm not waiting for tests or appointments. I'm one week past my positive ovulation test, and I'm waiting to see if this is the month that God will bless us with the baby we have been praying for for so long.

This was my first month on Clomid. I'm hoping that it did the trick!! We'll know in about a week and a half.

Until then, I'll keep trusting my Father & praying for that sweet baby! I'm hoping this is my time!! And if you're longing for a baby, I'm hoping that it's your time too! I know that so many of us are longing for motherhood. Hang on to Jesus & trust Him!

If you don't know Him, you need Him! If you haven't received salvation, He is waiting for you to come to Him, believe in Him, confess your sins to Him, & ask Him to forgive you and be the Lord of your life! It's the most important decision in life.

I'll keep you updated on how this month progresses. But with trying to conceive after 3 miscarriages, there is a lot of fear that tries to wiggle its way in to my head & heart. Yet, God is restoring my hope after a long time in the desert. Thank You, Lord!!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Results Are In

I had my HSG today!

Uterus: Normal

Fallopian Tubes: Open

Pain: NONE

I'm not kidding!!! There was NO pain!!! I was so worried for nothing! I'm so thankful that God answered our prayers. Not only was there no pain, but it was NORMAL!! We got the all-clear to start trying to conceive again!!

Thank You, Lord!!

And thank you for your prayers!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Please Pray for Me

Tomorrow is my HSG. I'm nervous. It's finally almost here. Tomorrow I'm hoping that my doctor will say that everything is normal & that we can FINALLY begin trying to conceive again. It's been on hold since October when I experienced my 3rd miscarriage.

I'm also praying that it will not be painful for me. I know that most of you girls have probably had an HSG. I know it's routine. But for someone who can hardly stand to get a shot, it's a big deal! :) (And maybe it was for some of you too. But please don't tell me any horror stories!! :) However, if you want to share any wonderful stories about how it was pain free, then please do!!

I know that the Lord will help me, though. He's already gotten me through so much. This is just one step closer to Baby!! That's what I have to remember. It will be worth it all when I hold my baby in my arms!

Thank you for your prayers. I often pray for you, my blog friends, too.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Clomid + HSG = BABY (I hope!!!!!)

My HSG is scheduled for Tuesday. Several months ago I was terrified to have this rotten test done after hearing & reading horror stories such as:

- I almost passed out!
- It's comparable to child birth!
- It was like a knife stabbing my abdomen!

The list goes on and on. Of course there were also some stories interspersed in there that spoke of "tolerable" pain and even no pain at all. But who can focus on those positive remarks when paired alongside the "worst pain of my life"?

Thankfully, my RE has assured that he has excellent technique and even prescribed a narcotic for me!! Woohoo!! I love you, RE!!

So Tuesday is the big day. I'm hoping hoping hoping that the test will give me an all clear to finally start trying to conceive again!!

And for those of you who don't know, during an HSG the physician inserts a catheter in to the uterus & injects dye. He then takes x-rays which track where the dye goes & shows whether or not the fallopian tubes are open & if the uterus is normal without any septum, etc.

Other big news: I took my first 50 mg dose of Clomid today. I'll take it for 5 days. I'm a little nervous about it. I always torture myself by reading the list of side effects.

I usually have no problems ovulating, but my RE prescribed it in case there could possibly be a "glitch" in my ovulation & also to help sustain my pregnancy once I do become pregnant.

I'm praying that I get pregnant SOON & that God allows this baby to be healthy & strong & born normally. I SO want to be a mommy to our baby. And I pray that I never go through the pain of another loss.

I remember praying last year around Christmas that God would give us a baby by next Christmas. It could still happen!! :)

But no matter what happens, I trust You & love You, Lord!!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Life is Good - Especially When it Involves a Massage!

The Easter egg hunt at church Sunday was a bit difficult for me. We were the only couple there without children. Everyone else was helping their kids & grandkids find eggs while I was standing there with what felt like a giant flashing sign over my head with an arrow pointing down saying, "I don't have kids!! Look at me!! I'm the only one here who doesn't have kids!!"

Here's a pic of me that Jay took at the church egg hunt, and thankfully I don't see a giant flashing sign over my head!! :)

Thankfully, my church family is actually very sweet & supportive. I have a good friend there who also suffered 3 miscarriages, and she has been a great help to me. Some of the other ladies are also great prayer warriors for Jay & me. They're also longing for us to be parents! :)

And, of course, I must say that I'm SO thankful that Jesus died & rose again!! Without Him, life would be meaningless. The older I get, the more I realize this. It really was a wonderful Easter despite my feelings at the egg hunt. Plus, after church we got to spend all evening with my family. We had such a great visit!

Here's a pic of me finding a prize egg at my parents' egg hunt. It had $5 in it! Wohoo!!

Yesterday I talked to my RE's nurse. She was so sweet & helpful. She's calling me in a prescription for Clomid which I will begin on cycle day 3 and take for 5 days. I'm also waiting for cycle day 1 to call & schedule the HSG.

I have a lot of hope! As spring is all around me I feel my hope rising. When I see my tulips blooming & all my other flowers growing, the trees budding and blooming & little calves running in the fields I feel so much hope that this will also be my time. Lord, please make it so!

In the meantime, I'm off to get a massage today!!!!!! AND I'm in spring break! Life is wonderful!!!

Friday, April 2, 2010

Spring in Kentucky

Nothing much new is going on here. I've just been trying to make it through the week until spring break. I've not had a free Saturday in 6 weeks. That means no sleeping in in over 6 weeks! This Saturday I can finally sleep in, but then I'm attending a baby shower at 1 o'clock.

We still haven't turned in all of our foster care paperwork. We've been taking it slowly. We know that fostering is going to be a big responsibility and huge change in our lives. To be honest, I have a deep hope hidden in my heart that I may get pregnant soon & be able to carry this baby to term. Only the Lord knows the future. In the meantime, I'm trusting Him and following His lead.

Spring is here in Kentucky!! The trees are blooming, my tulips are bursting up through the mulch, buttercups are blooming everywhere... I've never loved spring so much as I love it this year! As I see the world coming to life the hope in my heart grows and grows.