No Heartbeat

I bled a lot yesterday. When I stood up at work I felt a familiar gush. When I checked with a tissue, it was covered in blood.

In a daze I called my o.b.'s cell phone. He told me I could come right in. We saw the baby & heartbeat. He was still very concerned about a cornual ectopic.

This morning I went to the specialist in Nashville.

There was no heart beat. Our precious baby is with Jesus. I was almost expecting it. I was trying to prepare myself. But it didn't keep me from breaking down in the office. I guess you can never really be prepared for something like that.

My specialist is also concerned about a cornual ectopic now as well. Friday I'm having surgery. First (at my request) I'll have a follow up ultrasound just to make sure there is no heart beat. Then I'll have a D&C with possibly laparoscopic surgery to examine the outside of my uterus for a cornual ectopic as well as uterine repair. He may have to remove part of my uterus or maybe something simpler depending on how severe it is. He's also going to look at a cyst on my left ovary that he suspects is endometriosis. He's hoping this will all be pretty straightforward and simple, but he really won't know what all it will entail until he gets in there.

I'm so sad over the loss of our baby. I feel so sorry for my babies who don't get to live in this world and get a chance at life. But I know they are with Jesus. I know they're okay. I'm just so sad...

The Lord is my strength. I don't understand Him, but I trust Him.