Sunday, May 9, 2010

I'm Choosing Faith & Not Fear

I'm still doing well! I still have the tingles in my belly, which I'm told is a good thing, so I'm okay with that! It's become comforting to me. I'm also doing a lot of bathroom checks to make sure everything is okay down there. And I absolutely hate that I feel like I need to constantly do that! I want to relax & not worry & just know that everything is going to be okay. Unfortunately, to compound those fears, I woke this morning to a terrible dream where I was bleeding & in the ER. What a way to wake up on Mother's Day!! BUT I will NOT believe that dream & let it influence me. God has told me not to fear. He is with me!! I have prayed time & time again, asking Him to protect this baby. And I have to believe that He will do it.

Today I'm spending the morning at home & then visiting our parents. I felt it wise to stay home from church today b/c of the Mother's Day celebrations. I'm SO glad that they recognize all of the mothers & I think it's a wonderful thing. But I don't think I can handle being the only woman not recognized as a mother today. It's a very small church, and I am the only one without a child. But I am not going to be sad today! That's a decision I am making right now! I am going to celebrate all that God is doing in my life today!

A friend (who also suffered 3 miscarriages & now has 2 beautiful boys) reminded me last night of all that God has done. A little more than a year ago I was working a job where I was totally stressed to the limit, having headaches every day, & longing to be a mom. Right now, here I am in a new job, ready to be out for the summer (I work at a school), and expecting a baby. She was encouraging me to enjoy this pregnancy b/c with her little boy, she was so worried about miscarrying again that she never took the time to enjoy that time in her life. It was a good reminder. God is in control! I will do the best I can do, caring for this baby to the very best of my ability, loving it & nurturing it, and I will trust God to do the rest! In the meantime, I pray that I truly enjoy this time of my life!

I hope that you all have a wonderful Mother's Day today. If Mother's Day is a difficult day for you (as I well understand), then I encourage you to do something special today that you enjoy. Go eat at your favorite restaurant, rent a good movie, read a good book, go on a walk... My husband is actually making me breakfast right now which is a special treat. :) We were going to go out today and do something special, but our bank account is a little on the small side right now with all the RE bills. So maybe we'll just go out for a nice drive in the sunshine. It's a beautiful day! I hope you all have a wonderful day. My heart aches for those that are hurting & longing to be a mom. I pray that you find comfort & peace today in Jesus! God Bless you all!!!


Stacey said...

That's definitely the right attitude to have! I'll pray that God will continue to give you peace despite those scary dreams and fears that will come up. SO, so happy that you are doing well.

Btw, I'm with you on the Mother's Day thing. Even at this stage I still didn't feel up for the church service. Had a great day with my mom and family, though! Hope you enjoyed your day as well.

Birdie said...

Stacey, thanks so much for your prayers!!! I've been praying for you too.

And I'm so glad you enjoyed your Mother's Day with your mom & family!!

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