So Sick

I have truly never been so sick in all my life. Not only am I taking Zofran but also Phenergan. The medicine helps a great deal. But it's still very difficult to eat and drink. I'm doing the best I can with it, though. And I'm able to get some things down.

I just keep reminding myself that sickness is good in this case and that it won't last forever. I know it is worth it. And I can do it for my baby!!!

Little Guy is as cute as ever. I love him so much. I pray all the time that he'll be ours soon and that our baby in my belly will also be healthy and strong. I pray that we'll get to be both babies' mommy and daddy. (For those of you who may be new to my blog, "Little Guy" is our 3 month old baby that we foster. He's been with us since birth. I may not be his biological mommy, but in my heart he is my baby. It is looking very favorable for adoption.)

A blog friend told me to look up a song - One Day at a Time, Sweet Jesus. I listened to that song, and I do love the words. So true! I know that song from my childhood but hadn't heard it in a long time. Thank you for sharing! I was encouraged!

I'll leave you all with the words from another song that encourages me too:

1. ’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
   Just to take Him at His Word;
   Just to rest upon His promise,
   And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”
   • Refrain:
     Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
     How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
     Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
     Oh, for grace to trust Him more!
2. Oh, how sweet to trust in Jesus,
   Just to trust His cleansing blood;
   And in simple faith to plunge me
   ’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!
3. Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
   Just from sin and self to cease;
   Just from Jesus simply taking
   Life and rest, and joy and peace.
4. I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
   Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
   And I know that Thou art with me,
   Wilt be with me to the end.

A Little More About Monday's Appointment

You ladies are so sweet! I just love getting all these encouraging comments and knowing that you are praying for me. It really means a lot.

I wanted to write more after my ultrasound appointment on Monday, but I was just so sick and exhausted that I could barely sit at my computer.

I have never been so sick in all my life...Well maybe except for the time I drank contaminated water in Thailand. ha! I am now taking a little miracle pill called Zofran. Boy, it has helped me so much. It doesn't make me completely well. But it makes a big difference. And I just keep reminding myself that sickness is a good sign.

I was nervous at my appointment. When I got there I first went to the bathroom in the waiting room, and I remembered how the last time I was there I cried in that bathroom, remembering the sadness of our last miscarriage. But this time I didn't cry. I waited in the lobby, and pretty soon they called me back for the ultrasound. The tech explained the procedure, and I thought, "I've had a million of these!!"

I really despise getting ultrasounds. The techs don't give you much info, and I'm always left wondering if something's wrong and she's just not telling me. It's an awful feeling. But I remained calm. And I was so thankful when right away she said, "Okay, I see the baby. And I see a heartbeat." I'm not sure what I said....Maybe "Good!!" or "Really?!" I felt so much relief. But still, she didn't give me a lot of details so I was kind of holding my breath wondering if everything was really okay. After it was all over she said, "Congratulations!" I thought to myself, "Surely she wouldn't be telling me congratulations if anything was wrong!" So I allowed myself to relax a little.

I went back to the waiting room and waited to see the doctor. I love my doctor so much. He's so sweet and friendly and kind. When I finally got called back and got to see him he was all smiles. He said, "I've got a good feeling about this!" He said that he was so happy to see me coming back through. He commented on how the baby is exactly where it's supposed to be, the sac looks very healthy, it's measuring right on target. Everything looked great!!

I'm still cautiously optimistic. I will breathe a small sigh of relief once I make it 8 weeks (farther than I've ever been). But I don't know when I will totally let my guard down...maybe when I hold that sweet baby in my arms after a healthy delivery!!

One of my sweet blog friends said that she is praying for me to have Irish twins! I'd never heard that term before, so I looked it up and found that it refers to 2 babies born to the same mother within 12 months. She is praying that we'll get to adopt Little Guy and also have this baby. I'm praying for Irish twins too!!! :) I'd love to have my 2 babies grow up together and be the best of friends.

Well, as a matter of fact, I hear Little Guy squirming and fussing in his little bassinet so I'd better go check on him. Thank you again for all of your prayers!! Thank You, Lord, for all You've done!!

Good Report!

I was so relieved today to be measuring right on target at my ultrasound - 6w3d !!

The baby is right where it's supposed to be (unlike my last pregnancy). We could see the heart beat!!

The Dr. also prescribed me some nausea medication. Thank goodness!! I was having a hard time getting anything down!

The doctor was very optimistic and told me that he has a good feeling. He's excited to see me back and doing so well.

Next ultrasound: a week from today.

In the past, I always miscarried around 7 weeks. Please be keeping me in your prayers these next couple of weeks...

Thank you!!!! All of your comments and prayers mean so much. Grandmommy, I was thinking of your prayer when I was waiting in the waiting room this afternoon. :) Thanks to you ALL!!

Little Update

I'm still doing okay. I'm just so nauseated that it's hard to eat or drink. I'm just so thankful that I'm not bleeding - other than the occasional slightly pinkish/brownish tiny spot.

Thank you for your continued prayers. It means SO much!!!

Monday is my first ultrasound. I'm so ready to have it behind me!!!

Doctor Says He Would Be Optimistic

So the nurse called me back after talking to my doctor about how my HCG didn't double in 48 hours. He said that I will be fine to wait until Monday for my ultrasound as long as I'm not having any pain or bleeding. (I'm not.)

He also told her that he would be optimistic.

For now, that's enough. I'm just going to try to relax as much as I can. All the worrying I've done in the past has never profited me.

Thank you for your encouragement and comments. A couple of blog friends told me that when the number gets so high that it doesn't always double. I looked it up online and found the same thing too. Thanks for being positive and helping to ease my mind!!

Please continue to pray for me - especially ask that I won't worry myself silly over this!!!

Number Didn't Double

I just got my HCG results: 20,184.

On Wednesday my HCG was 14,000, so it should have been around 28,000. She's going to talk to my doctor and see what he wants to do.

I don't know what to think about this.... The numbers aren't horrible. But they're not double.

Waiting

I will post tomorrow when I know what today's HCG results are! They should be at least 28,000 if they doubled correctly. Thank you for your prayers.

First HCG Results are In

A few minutes ago the WONDERFUL nurse from my ob/gyn's office called to give me my HCG results from yesterday evening. She is that one nurse who I've connected with, and she always helps me. My HCG was 14,000.

She said it was actually higher than just doubling every 48 hours (which it's supposed to do during pregnancy). So I did some calculations. According to my last HCG, if it doubled every 48 hours it should have been around 8,000. So I take that as a good sign that it's even more than doubled.

She asked me if I'd like to come in for an ultrasound. With my HCG being that high they should be able to see something. And would you believe that I turned down an ultrasound???!!!!

I know that most women would jump at the chance to get to see their baby. But I've had an ultrasound too early before when they thought they should see something and didn't. So then they thought I had an ectopic (pregnancy in the tube), which set me on pins and needles. They were on the verge of recommending a shot to induce m/c or surgery to remove the pregnancy out of my tube. Turns out, we waited a few days, repeated the ultrasound and then they were able to see the baby in my uterus. Granted, I ended up miscarrying. But still... I never want to go through that again!!! I was on pins and needles for days.

Last night when I went to the bathroom and saw that small gush of red blood I expected it to be the beginning of cramping and more bleeding. But I haven't bled any more. And the fever is gone.

The nurse suggested that maybe it was a subchorionic bleed. I googled it and got a little info.

So instead of going for an ultrasound today, I'm going for a repeat HCG on Wednesday. Those numbers will tell us a good deal, I think. I'm praying that they double. Then I will have an ultrasound on Monday. I will be about 6w2d, and with the number so high, they should be able to see something.

Thank you for the outpouring of love and support I received on my post when I was bleeding. It's wonderful to know that you all support me and pray for me. I know you truly care. Thank you so much!!!!

I'm Bleeding

The fever got up to 100.2. I took a Tylenol. It's staying around 99.5.

I talked to my RE's nurse. She said not to worry. It's probably from the progesterone. I also reported the cat scratch (Thanks for the sweet comment from the Grandmommy on my last post. :) But since it's not red and doesn't look infected they don't believe it's anything to worry about.

Probably 30 minutes after talking to her I went to the bathroom, and there was a small gush of red blood.

I've seen this before. 4 times before. So I called my ob/gyn, and I'm going for blood work this evening and again on Wednesday.

I prayed that if I was going to m/c that it would be early and before I saw the heartbeat. But it still hurts. I hoped and prayed that I would never miscarry again.

And I know that there is always hope that I'm not miscarrying.

I'm just trying to put it all out of my mind. It's too much to bear. God, please bear this burden for me.....

Thank you all for praying.

Why Do I Have a Fever?

Things have been going really well. No problems. No spotting. The nausea is increasing, which doesn't feel good but it's a good sign.

Then last night I went to the bathroom and there was a small spot of pink on the toilet paper. My heart started pounding. I had also been feeling a little achy, so I checked my temp. I checked it several times. It got up to 99.2 at the highest.

Today it has continued to be anywhere from 98 to 99.1.

But thankfully there has been NO MORE spotting - just that small amount last night!!

But anyone who's ever miscarried knows that spotting and a fever are not a good combination. :( I just keep praying and trying to leave it in God's hands. Otherwise, I would be sick with worry.

Maybe I just have a virus or something... And the fact that the spotting has not continued is cause for celebration!!

Has anybody else experienced anything like this? Could it be that my temp is a little higher during pregnancy and it's normal?

Oh yeah, and a stray cat scratched me on Thursday. That hasn't eased my mind any either!!

Again..... I'm trusting You, Lord! I'm not going to worry!!!

Thanks again for all of your sweet comments. I have also had several comments from new followers which have made me feel so good. Thanks for reading!!

Welcome!!

I want to say a big Welcome to all who have recently started following my blog. As always, I'm humbled to know that you are interested in my journey and want to follow along with me. And I'm blown away by the wonderful support I've received from both old and new followers alike! Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!

I love reading your comments, and I am always encouraged.

So far I am still doing well. I am praying every day that this pregnancy will be normal and that our baby will be healthy.

Little Guy is also doing terrific!

Thanks again for all your support and especially your prayers! May God bless you!

Two Babies on My Mind

I'm praying for this sweet baby all the time. This is our darling 3 month old foster baby that I love as my own. One of my blog friends asked if we ever hear from his parents. Yes, we stay in contact with his birth mother. We have never met his birth father. Right now, it looks as though adoption is likely, but it's still too early to know for sure.

Little Guy is smiling all the time and on the verge of laughing out loud. He loves to play with his toys and read books. He is also a very good sleeper. Last night he slept over 10 hours!!! And he's only 3 months old!! He also is a great eater. Sometimes I call him my little piggy. :) I am so in love with him! I SO wish I could show you his sweet face. Several friends & family have commented that he is one of the prettiest babies they have ever seen. Of course, I agree wholeheartedly! :)

L-->R = Sun, Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri (the day I was supposed to start my period),....and Today

Okay, so don't tell me I'm the only one who's ever continued to take pregnancy tests daily to make sure the line keeps getting darker! :)

I don't think I'll go back this week and have more blood work done (b/c of the spotting I had). Unless I have problems, I want to stay out of the doctor's office as much as possible. After having 4 miscarriages I've learned that, in my experience, in the early weeks of a pregnancy there is just not much that can be done to prevent miscarriage. You are either going to miscarry or you aren't. (In MOST cases, but I know that some women can benefit from progesterone and other meds. However, I'm already on progesterone, and I've tried other meds that didn't work for me in the past.) So I've decided that with this pregnancy I am going to do everything I can do such as using my progesterone daily, resting as much as I can, not doing heavy lifting, drinking plenty of fluids, going to all my scheduled appointments. But beyond that, it is in God's hands. And I just can't worry myself sick!!!

Believe me, I have worried myself TERRIBLY in the past!!!!! I have just about made myself frantic with worry, constantly checking myself in the bathroom, researching everything on the internet, panicking at every cramp or funny feeling in my abdomen. And what good did it do me? None! It just made me miserable. So I am praying for peace and calm during this pregnancy. Help me not to worry, Lord!

And for those of you out there trying to conceive, I was able to conceive very quickly this time. I'll tell you what I used in case you want to try it too.

FertilAid for women http://www.amazon.com/FertilAid-Women-Female-Fertility-Supplement/dp/B0002G2M9Y/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1300111819&sr=8-1

Ovulation Test Strips http://www.amazon.com/Combo-Ovulation-Tests-Early-Pregnancy/dp/B000GI00GA/ref=pd_sbs_hpc_5

Mucinex 12 hour Expectorant (It's the one in the blue box.) http://www.amazon.com/Mucinex-Strength-Expectorant-Bi-Layer-28-Count/dp/B000V83X6Y/ref=sr_1_4?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1300111888&sr=1-4 I took it morning and night starting around ovulation and continuing for about one week total. Make sure that you DON'T get the decongestant b/c that will have the opposite effect that you want!

This is the 2nd time I've immediately gotten pregnant when taking Mucinex.

I hope this helps someone out there! God bless you all on this journey to motherhood! And God bless all of our sweet readers and supporters along the way!

No More Spotting + Answering Questions

The spotting has stopped! I'm staying encouraged. I'm not freaking out and doing bathroom checks constantly as I have in the past. However, one reason for that is that I am so early. My last 2 miscarriages were around 7+ weeks after hearing the heartbeat.

Another reason I haven't been worrying is because I've got our sweet foster baby on my mind so much. He is almost 3 months old now. We've had him since he came home from the hospital at birth. I am so so so in love with him. I feel as if he is "mine". And we are so hopeful that we will be able to adopt. I have been praying daily, hourly, almost constantly about this!

And the last reason that I haven't been freaking out is because I know that God is giving me peace. It's nothing short of a miracle of God that I am not sick with worry. Thank You, Lord, for giving me the strength I need!!

So back to the spotting....

It lasted about 24-36 hours. It was never bright red but always brown or pink. It was always very light and nothing like a miscarriage or period.

Implantation bleeding? I don't know. I read that implantation bleeding usually occurs about a week before your expected period. This spotting started the night before my expected period.

I can't remember if I ever had implantation bleeding in the past or not. But it would be interesting to know if I bled this time b/c now the septum is gone. Remember, septums don't get good blood supply, so if the baby implants there maybe there would be no implantation bleeding??? Just a theory! I may be way off!

Whatever the case, I'm just so thankful that I am no longer spotting. I'm trying not to lift anything too heavy, taking it easy and trying to drink plenty of fluids. I continue to use the progesterone suppository every night. My first ultrasound is not for a couple more weeks.

One of my sweet blog friends asked me if I'm using aspirin with this pregnancy. The answer is no. I took aspirin with my last pregnancy just as a precaution in case I had a clotting disorder. However, I still miscarried. I have not tested positive for a clotting disorder. In fact, on one lab my blood was slightly too thin. So with this pregnancy I will not be taking an aspirin. I do believe that some doctors prescribe it as a "just in case" treatment.

Another sweet blog friend asked me how many days past ovulation I am. To tell you the truth, I don't know. I used to keep up with my ovulation days. But after all the miscarriages, I got so tired of calculating and keeping track of all that stuff. So I just stopped. The only thing I have been keeping up with is the first day of each period. Then I would use ovulation test strips (which are VERY useful if you are trying to conceive!!!). But I stopped writing it down.

If anyone would like to contact me directly, please feel free to email me: creek jc @ nctc. com

xoxo,

Birdie

The Results Are In

I got the results of my HCG and progesterone today.

Wednesday

HCG = 95.6

Progesterone = 43.8

Friday

HCG = 252.1

The results are great! (Thank You, Lord!) But I'm spotting. It started yesterday evening. It's brown to light pink. So I may go back in next week for another HCG just to make sure it's still rising.

I'm cautiously optimistic!

Anyone else have any experience with early spotting like this? Of course, I automatically wonder about miscarriage. But I have heard of other spotting and not miscarrying.

First Lab

I LOVE all these encouraging comments!!! Thank you!! There are a couple of questions that you asked, and I will try to answer them soon! For now I just wanted to say that I got my HCG & progesterone levels drawn today. Hopefully I'll know something by tomorrow!

Picture of the Line

Well, here is the promised picture. I said that as soon as I thought you might be able to see the line that I would post the picture. This is my test from the this morning. Again, the line showed up slightly darker and a little faster this morning. And I didn't have to hold it up to the light and study it like a slide under a microscope! It was obviously there, though faint. My husband saw it right away when I showed it to him.

I still don't know if you'll be able to see it in this pic, though. You may have to click on it and see if it will enlarge so you can get a closer view.

Look closely. It's to the right of the dark pink line.

Let me know if you are able to see it!!

Also, thank you for your continued support!

xoxo,

Birdie

A Tiny Bit Darker

Can I first say that I love love love all your comments? Thank you!! It's so encouraging to know that y'all are reading & cheering me on and praying for me! I love reading every single one!

A couple of you also said you want to see a picture of my pregnancy test! :) Well, to tell you the truth, I tried to take one this morning. And you can't even see the line on the pictures!! It was hard to get it to focus correctly. And then you seriously need to zoom in or have a magnifying glass to see the faint line! But I promise you that in real life there truly is a very faint second pink line. And this morning it showed up a little quicker and was slightly darker than it was yesterday. I promise to post one as soon as I can get a good shot!

I'm still way early in my cycle. I'm not even supposed to start my cycle until this Friday, and I already had a positive on Sunday! I know the facts. I know about very early miscarriages and all the advice about not testing too early b/c so many pregnancies are lost to early miscarriage. But, as most of you probably know from experience, it's just too hard to wait!

This weekend has been SO emotional!!! First of all, we said goodbye to Big Guy Saturday. We haven't seen him since. (Thanks for asking, Erin B.) He was sick, so we didn't even ask about taking him to church with us. Maybe next weekend, I'm hoping.

Then on Sunday I got the positive pregnancy test. For those of us who have been through recurrent pregnancy loss, that brings a lot of emotions - both good and bad. It brings a lot of hope and excitement for what the future might hold. But it also brings a lot of memories of the past lost pregnancies, and fears try to creep in.

And being a foster mom is generally a roller coaster. Little Guy is on my mind a lot. I can't imagine life without him, but we know that he is not adopted yet.

So.... all that to say that I've been going through a lot emotionally lately. BUT I still hang on to God and know that He is in control!! He reminded me of that fact so sweetly today. I can rest because I know that He is in control. I don't have to worry and fret. I've just got to trust Him.

One of my best friends sent me her favorite Scripture today: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow has enough worries of its own" - Matt. 6:34

Isn't that so true! Today Little Guy is with me. Today I am (I think!) pregnant. I'm not going to worry. I'm going to trust in the One who holds the future!!

I hope that y'all have a blessed day and also put your hope in Jesus!

Very VERY Faint Line

Could it be??????????? This morning I had a very faint line on my pregnancy test. You practically have to have a microscope to see it! ha! I'll be retesting in the morning and probably every single day to follow!!!!

We told Big Guy goodbye yesterday. Jay & I both broke down at their home when we told him goodbye. It was much harder than we anticipated. Then when we came home and saw his little empty room it was so heartbreaking. But I'm SO incredibly thankful that they want to stay in touch. Thank You, Lord!! He is healing my broken heart and giving me strength. I am relying on Him to get me through this.

Saying Goodbye to Big Guy

Thanks for all your comments on my last post. I took the Mucinex. I wasn't really sure how long to take it, but I did make sure that I took it during my most fertile time plus several days after. Pretty soon it'll be time to start pulling out the pregnancy tests again!

One of my sweet blog friends also asked about what a uterine septum is. I had a uterine septum that my RE removed surgically. He thinks that may have caused my miscarriages. Basically, a septum is extra tissue that extended across the top of my uterus. I was born that way. The extra tissue doesn't get good blood supply, so when the babies implanted there they couldn't get the blood flow that they needed to thrive and grow. It causes recurrent pregnancy loss. My doctor estimates my chances of having a baby at 75% after the surgery. I'm hoping and praying that he was right!!!

We are spending our last couple of days with Big Guy. He's our 3 year old foster child - our first foster child who came to our home almost 6 months ago. Now he is returning to his parents. God continues to give me strength and peace. I can see that his parents love him, and I know it is time for him to go. But I will miss him. I'm sure there will be many moments of wishing I could see him and hold him again. He will always hold a very special place in my heart. He has taught me so much - about myself and about children. He has the best sense of humor and is so smart!! He has brought so much joy and happiness to our home. He is one special little boy! I do hope that they will stay in contact as they've said they will.

I am still praying daily for Little Guy too... The picture below looks a bit silly. But I'm not allowed to show his face. Therefore, I have to be creative! ha! Trust me, he is a living DOLL!!! I love him so much!

I hope you all are doing well. Thanks for checking in on me and reading my blog! :)