Saturday, July 3, 2010

Unexpected Tears

Yesterday I had a Dr. appointment with my ob/gyn. It was the first time I'd been back since I lost the baby. I was dreading going there, walking in that building and down that long hall to his office, sitting in that waiting room where my family anxiously waited on the day I was bleeding, being examined in the same room I'd been told that I was likely carrying twins or multiples and then seeing it again later when something was terribly wrong.

I still didn't expect the tears, though.

They came almost the instant I crossed the threshold into his office waiting room from the hall. I checked in and went to the restroom. I was fighting not to lose it because I'm not a pretty crier. I'm not one of those women who can shed a few tears and then everything be normal again a couple of minutes later. I'm the kind of crier that begins crying...and cries...and cries...and can't stop, and my face gets blood red, my eyes swell & I can't utter a word - only pitiful squeaks! So I DID NOT want to start crying in that office. If I did, I knew I wouldn't even be able to communicate with the doctor! And imagine me sitting in a crowded waiting area, sobbing! What would everyone think??

So there I was in the bathroom, remembering my sweet husband and how we sat there, not knowing if our baby would live or die, hoping for the best but knowing we would probably lose her, lose our fourth precious baby. I was whispering, "Help me, Lord. Help me, Lord."

And He did. I was able to walk out of that bathroom with my head up, find a seat and read a book that I'd brought along. Believe me, that was God!! I couldn't have done that on my own. God gave me strength. I'm so thankful for that!!! And then the doctor and staff were all very kind to me. I'm very blessed with a good doctor.

I'm still missing my babies today, but I'm thankful for the hope I have.

On a lighter & more upbeat note, Josh & I added another post to our Painted Pixels Paintography website. It's of our little niece Sheena. All of the 3 posts so far are of my sister's 3 children. They're all adopted, and we love them to pieces!!! Look at their faces and you'll easily see 3 of the biggest reasons why Josh & I LOVE adoption!!! I hope you'll go check it out:



Stacey said...

I'm so sorry it was so hard for you to return to that office with the sad memories that are still so fresh. You found your strength in the Lord, though, and that is a wonderful testimony to be able to share! When we learn to lean on Him each and every day, it makes it easier to remember that He's there in the difficult times. I know you will always miss your babies.

P.S. I checked out the link and think it looks great!

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