Two Christmas Presents Who Hold My Heart

Being a foster parent is like being on a roller coaster....

Will we get to keep the baby?

Is he going to be ours?

Should I call myself Mommy?

Is this temporary?

Am I going to be heartbroken?

The only thing that's sure is that we are giving these sweet ones a good home when they need it most! The rest is in God's hands.

The top picture is of me feeding Little Guy not long after he came to our home. It's not the best pic, but I had to find one that didn't show his little darling face. :) And I SO wish I should show you b/c he's ADORABLE!!

The bottom pic is Big Guy on the left and my little niece on the right. She & Big Guy are big buddies. A really cool thing is that she was adopted through foster care by my sister as an infant. Little sweetie was 4 pounds when they brought her home from the hospital, and look at her now! She's only 3, and look at that hair!!

These 2 boys have changed my life forever. I'm so in love with them both. But I have to keep reminding myself that Big Guy will probably return home soon. And Little Guy... Well, we just don't know. With foster care, it depends on whether or not the parents do what they need to do to get their lives straightened out so that they can parent. Only time will tell.

My heart is so wrapped up in these 2 precious ones. I love them as if they'd been born to me. Yet, I've got to keep trusting God with all my heart, knowing that He is in control and asking that the best for the KIDS would be done. He can see out into eternity, and He knows if they are going to have a chance in life. He knows if they are going to have the chance to learn about Him and know Him as they get older. I just keep asking Him, "God, if you see that these kids aren't going to have a chance, please intervene." And then I've got to let go and leave it in His hands, knowing that He is going to be faithful.

Will I be heartbroken when/if they go? I'm sure. But will God help me through it? I'm sure.

In the meantime, Jay & I are back on the TTC bandwagon. For those of you who may be new to my blog, my 4th miscarriage was spring 2010. Since then I've been to the specialist in Memphis, had surgery to remove a septum, and now we are trying again. It's a scary place to be. Last night I was lying in bed and the fear came to me, "What are you doing?!! Are you ready for another miscarriage? Do you really want to go through that again?!"

But I've just got to try....at least one more time now that I've had the surgery. It's all in God's hands, and I can't let fear rule me.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. I know that if you are dealing with infertility or recurrent pregnancy loss, the holidays can be VERY hard. I didn't know how I would handle this year without a child. I prayed for a baby by Christmas. I thought that would be impossible b/c I wasn't pregnant. But God answered my prayer in an unexpected way. We got to celebrate with 2 kids this year, and I can tell you that it was the best Christmas ever!