Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Fibrocystic Breasts

Have any of you ever found a lump in your breast? Multiple lumps?

Well, I recently did. I did a breast exam, on a whim, after my last miscarriage. It was the first one I had done in years. To my horror, I discovered multiple lumps. I daily fought against fear, wondering if I could possibly have breast cancer.

I am only 30 (almost 31). I did lots of research, and my lumps appear to be cysts. They are mostly mobile and rounded. And breast cancer does not run in my family.

Still, I went to my ob/gyn. He felt them and said that I have fibrocystic breast changes and that he felt nothing worrisome. That was last month.

I was relieved for a few days.

Then I began to think crazy thoughts again. What if my doctor is wrong? What if I have something terribly wrong? I know the chances are slim. But I mean, I've already had 4 miscarriages. What were the chances of that happening?

Fear began to take hold. I was daily battling these thoughts and fears, praying & asking God to help me and set me free from fear. I have obsessively done breast exams almost daily & sometimes multiple times a day. I have battled against anxiety, struggling to catch my breath at times, on the verge of a panic attack.

So my husband insisted that I go back to the doctor for more answers.

That's what I did today.

I went back to my ob/gyn and explained to him that I've been very fearful. I asked him to examine me again & explain WHY he doesn't think these lumps are worrisome and WHY he believes they are cysts.

So he examined me again, noted several lumps in both breasts (particularly the left), listened to my symptoms and (this is the part I'm very unhappy about...)

ordered a mammogram and ultrasound.

I DO NOT WANT MORE TESTING DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everything within me is SO over the tests and the doctor visits and the waiting and the upset stomach from being so nervous.

But I prayed before I went that God would lead my doctor and that the right thing would be done and that I would trust whatever he said and be at peace about it.

My doctor doesn't think I have breast cancer. But he said that I should get the testing done just to be sure. If I don't, then he and I will both have a nagging feeling of worry. He said that once I get the tests done, then I will feel relieved.

I know that's true.

But he also said something else that was terrible to hear:

"If you do get these tests done and they show something, then I will refer you to a surgeon."

WHAT?!!!! A SURGEON????????????!

I am already having surgery next week to remove the septum. This will be my 3rd surgery in less than a year. I just had my 4th miscarriage. And now THIS??

These are some of the thoughts that I have had this evening. My stomach has also felt very upset and burning (like on the first day of school or before you have to speak in front of a large crowd).

YET, I'm SO thankful for that sweet peace that passes understanding that comes from the Lord.

The Lord has given me a peace and calm this evening that took away my fears. I know that I will go through nothing without Him. He will never leave me or forsake me. And compared to what some are going through right now, this is such a small trial. And besides that, God reminded me that He knows when I will die. He knows His plans for me. He is surprised by nothing. And even if someone is the healthiest person in the world, they can die suddenly in an accident or by some other means. So my hope is not in my health. My hope is in the Lord. And no matter what happens, whether I die tomorrow or whether I die when I am 100 years old, what really matters is that I will spend ETERNITY with Jesus. This life is but a little while. Eternity is forever and ever and ever. I'm so thankful that I have salvation and that I know I will be with Jesus forever. How sweet it is!!!

Please do still pray for me. I often pray for you, my blog friends as well.

As always, feel free to email me as well: creekjc @ nctc . com

Blessings to You!

2 comments:

Stacey said...

I am SO sorry that you are dealing with yet another issue. On the other hand, I think it's really good that you went ahead and shared your concerns with your doctor and that he's doing further testing. I know it's the last thing in the world that you want to do or even think about, but it will be a huge relief when you get those results back -- and they are all clear!

Praying the mammogram and u/s will put your fears to rest. I so admire your steadfast faith and your strength during these trials.

When is your septum surgery? Praying for that, too. Sending lots of love and support!

Birdie said...

Stacey,

Thanks so much for your encouragement! Please do keep praying for me. I appreciate it so much.

My septum surgery is on Thursday. I'm hoping & praying that I will have a really great blog on Friday!! :)

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