Saturday, November 20, 2010

May Never Get Blood Work Again!

I had a really rough day this week. It started on Wednesday morning. I opened up my email and got this from Big Guy's social worker:

Just a heads up...I am looking at possible return to mom before Christmas.

I knew it was coming. I knew it was going to be temporary. But we have absolutely fallen in love with our Big Guy, and he loves us too. He's been so happy and secure here in our home. Life has been a dream. I'm the mom I've longed to be. We have our little family. Jay is a wonderful father, even more wonderful than I thought he'd be. And Big Guy is a pure joy. But I have to remember that he was never ours. God allowed him to be in our home for a time, and it's up to God how long he stays.

And the truth is that it's not about me. It's all about Big Guy. I hurt for him, worrying how he'll be taken care of when he goes back. But right now we are giving him a stable home, and I pray that it has a lasting impact. We've covered him in prayer daily, and it is my prayer that it has planted a seed deep in his little heart that will grow and flourish.

What a special boy he is. You just wouldn't believe how incredibly sweet, well behaved, funny and smart he is. He's just exceptional!! :)

We'll probably continue fostering after he returns. There are so many kids out there who need a good home, and hopefully it will one day soon lead to adoption.

So back to my tough day...

After I got the email and sat there dumbfounded I later got a call from my RE's office. I thought we were just about ready to start trying again. RE did tell us at our last appointment that there were a couple of blood tests he was going to do. But it all sounded pretty insignificant. Unfortunately, one of them came back abnormal:

Low factor 2 activity

From what I've read online, being low means that my blood doesn't clot quickly enough. So it wouldn't be treatable with a blood thinner b/c that would only make it worse. So Friday I had to go for yet another blood test. This time I got a Factor 2 DNA test. He's looking to see if this abnormality is caused by a genetic mutation. If not, then it's a mystery as to why it's low. According to what I read online, it can be caused by things like: liver disease, vitamin K insufficiency and other things too terrible to mention.

I worried myself sick. Literally. I broke out in a sweat, made several trips to the bathroom and hardly ate for a couple of days.

Thankfully, on Friday I spoke with the nurse again who said that my RE said that I shouldn't worry. I was SOOO happy to hear that it was barely out of the normal range. It was 73. Normal starts at 75.

I also found an article online written by a M.D. that was more reassuring that it's probably not something serious.

Still, I should NEVER research things online!!! I can't tell you how many times I've worried myself silly after reading scary medical stuff online. Why can't I learn my lesson?!

I'm feeling better about it now. But I still don't know what the next step is. I'll have to get the DNA results and then go from there. My RE is not even very familiar with this test, so the nurse said that "he will have to figure out what's going on." Ugh. Not very reassuring. ha!

Do y'all get to the place where you're so incredibly tired of doctors, blood work, tests, living from one test to another that you are ready to leave it all behind and just try to conceive without any medical intervention?

Hospitals and labs now pretty much give me the creeps, the yuckies in my stomach and a sinking feeling. I don't even like to drive past them. Even hospitals that I've never even been to, I don't even like to see them.

Lately, I've found myself daydreaming of a beach-y place far away, an escape from it all.

Yet, I keep going ahead, knowing that somehow God is still in control of it all. And I take great hope and strength in that.

Our Big Guy is also such a joy to me. I don't think I could love another child any more than I love him. Being responsible for him has stirred up something inside me.... Maternal Instinct? I don't know what it is. But I know that I love him dearly and would protect him with my life. It really is wonderful to be a mom.


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