Little Bump

I am still doing well. I am starting to get a small belly bump, and I just can hardly believe it every time I look down and see it. It all seems so surreal. I remember so many times when I wondered if I would ever be able to carry a baby. I know I still have a long ways to go, but I'm so thankful for getting this far.

I hope it brings others hope. When I read stories and blogs of women who struggled with RPL being able to conceive and have babies, I never feel bitter or angry. I always feel like, "Wow, if they can do it, then maybe I can too!!" It always brings me a lot of hope. I LOVE to read the success stories!!! I hope that mine will be a great success story too and that you'll be encouraged and know that miracles still happen!!

Today is going to be a great day. Two of my BFFs from college are coming to visit me. I can hardly wait!!! It's a day when all my troubles are going to melt away. I'm not going to worry about adoption, pregnancy...anything!!! I'm going to have FUN!!!

I hope you all have a GREAT Memorial Day weekend!! God Bless You!!

P.S. I'll try to get Jay to take my pic soon and post a pic of the baby bump!

Roller Coaster

I know that I have been so terrible about updating my blog lately.

I have felt like I'm on such a roller coaster with fostering Little Guy. Last week we got wonderful news from our social worker that it was looking like we were going to get to adopt. I was SO incredibly happy and thankful!!! Then I saw her today, and her demeanor had changed. Now she is not so sure that it's going to work out for us. Last week she was very confident. Today, she called it a "shot in the dark". We go from the mountaintop to the valley just like that. I try to stay calm because I think of our baby that I'm carrying. But sometimes I can't help it when I hear the bad news and my heart pounds or I feel a hot stab through my chest and abdomen. However, God has given me a lot of peace throughout this whole experience, and I can honestly say that I'm doing well considering everything. And I'm SO thankful that I know that I am serving the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I'm not going to get discouraged due to my circumstances. I'm going to keep looking to God!!

I go back to the doctor in about 2 weeks for an u/s to find out the sex of our baby!!! It's so hard to believe that I'm this far along!! I'm over 15 weeks!!!!!! This is nothing short of a miracle! Thank You, Lord!!

I'm STILL sick and very tired. I'm still taking zofran and phenergan but have been able to cut back some. So I believe that I'm slowly getting a little better. I still feel pretty sick and exhausted the majority of the time, though. But I'm not complaining. I'm just thankful to still be carrying this sweet baby!!

Thank you so much to those of you who are still reading my blog and sending me comments and asking about me. It really means so much!! I'm going to TRY to post more regularly b/c it does mean so much that you all pray for me and want to follow along in our journey. God Bless You All!!

Ultrasound - Almost 13 Weeks

I wanted to post last night, but I was so exhausted. Plus, it was storming so we didn't think we should turn on the computer.

I went to my u/s, and the first thing the tech said was, "I see a heartbeat!! And it just did a little bounce!" She knows I've had 4 m/c, so she is very understanding and reassuring.

The baby actually looked like a baby. I've never ever been even close to this far along before. It was so neat!

According to my dates I am 12 weeks 5 days.

According to my u/s measurements I am 13 weeks 3 days.

According to my Dr.'s measurements of my abdomen with a tape measure I am almost 15 weeks.

The heartbeat ranged from 156 - 159. And I got to hear it with a doppler! First time EVER for that!!

Of course it concerned me that I'm measuring bigger than my dates, but he said it is nothing at all to worry about and that I may have a big baby. He mentioned me being tall. I am about 5'9".

He said that everything is perfect!

I'm going back in 4 weeks to find out the gender. Then 3 weeks later will be the big anatomy scan where they check the baby's organs, brain, etc. Once that is over I will breathe a big sigh of relief!!!

In the meantime, we are still working hard for Little Guy and praying praying praying for continued divine intervention!! God has already done so much. There is still hope that he will be ours to adopt. We are not giving up!

Now, I'm so very exhausted, so I think I'll go lie down. Thank you for reading, and thanks for your encouraging comments!! :)

Ultrasound Coming Up

Tomorrow will be my first u/s in 4 weeks! I'm nervous b/c it all seems so surreal. I haven't been having any problems. I'm still sick. My stomach is ever so slightly growing. But I'm wondering if everything is truly okay. It's been 4 whole weeks!!

I'll try to post tomorrow evening and let you now how it goes!!

But God...

Dear Blog Friends,

I haven't posted lately b/c I've had a lot on my mind with Little Guy. Little Guy is our nearly 5 month old foster son. He came into our home at 6 days old and has been with me nearly 24/7 ever since. I became his mommy, and it looked so favorable that we would adopt. His birth mom wants us to adopt. She knows he is best with us.

However, 2 weeks ago the birth father appeared in the picture. Just last night I found out that he has brought forth a distant family member who wants Little Guy. As a foster parent, we have no rights. Unless God intervenes, Little Guy will leave our home in about 45 - 90 days. That is the time it will take to do all the evaluations on the relative.

I know that I have not talked about Little Guy a lot on this blog. That's simply b/c I'm not allowed to post pics of his face or give too many details. So I have just steered clear for the most part. But don't let that fool you into thinking that he has not been my life for the past 5 months. He is (in my heart) my baby, my little son. He is attached and bonded to me. I tell him all the time that he is my little best friend. We're together all the time. I stay home with him, and day in and day out we are playing, reading books, I'm feeding him bottles, giving him baths.... Everything any mom would do. I tell him all the time, "Mommy loves you." When it's time to nap I put him down and say, "It's time to rest. Mommy loves you." He still sleeps in the bassinet beside our bed, and I still check him every night to make sure he's breathing...

And yet GOD....

God is giving me peace. I can't explain it. I only know that were it not for Him I would be going crazy right now. I couldn't take it. I would be frantic, hysterical, probably on my way to a breakdown. But God...

But God is my strength. I've prayed to Him daily, sometimes hourly... A prayer is never far from my lips and always in my heart that Little Guy will be ours. I will NOT stop asking God to intervene. But I know that in the end, whatever happens, I must accept it and continue to love Him and trust Him.

I'm looking at this sweet baby right now. Sweet little thing....

God, above all, protect this sweet child of yours. Protect his little heart. And may He grow up to know You and love You and live for You with all his heart!