Monday, June 14, 2010

Healing, Weeding & Resting

I'm healing every day. Physically, I am almost 100%. I worked out this morning on the elliptical for 20 minutes then lifted weights. Can't wait to get back in shape! I have 7 pounds that I'd love to lose. That's a summer goal.

I've been working in my flowers a lot. I pulled up so many weeds! We've filled up 2 huge lawn garbage bags. I've been planting new flowers as well. This morning I planted 48 pink & white impatiens! What a workout! It's in the 90's here, and sweat was dripping. I'm sitting here covered in dirt and grime. I'm fixin (that's a good KY word for you!) to take and shower and get cleaned up so I can start working on the inside of the house and make a good supper too. My husband is so happy that I'm feeling better. Yesterday I made him homemade cinnamon rolls (which took over 2 hours!) and tonight I'm making a new recipe - Caprese Chicken with Bacon.

Emotionally, I'm getting stronger every day. God is healing my heart one day at a time. This is a good place to be... a period of resting. I'm perfectly content right at this moment to not know what's next, to just rest in the Lord and know that right now I can just relax and trust Him with all my heart!

When I went to my RE in Nashville he was optimistic that we will still be able to have a baby. But he didn't offer many more testing options. Instead, he recommended a recurrent pregnancy loss specialist in Memphis. That's over 4 hours away, and Jay and I are just not sure that we are ready to proceed with more testing. It's very draining, very time consuming, and expensive. I made an appointment for the end of July. That way we'll have time to think about it and seek God. If we don't feel like the timing is right, then I'll cancel.

Have any of you ever gotten to the point where you said, No more testing! No more specialists! No more medicines! It doesn't help anyway!

I am on the verge of that but not 100% there yet. Part of me feels like I have done all that I can reasonably do to find answers as why I keep having miscarriages. But then there's a little part of me that says, "But what if there's just one more test that be done that will find the answer??"

We don't have the answers yet. We don't know what we're supposed to do. And that's okay. My Father is the One who has all the answers, and I know that He will lead us and show us the way. Thank You, Lord!!

God Bless you all! I hope that you're doing wonderfully!

I've also been told by more than one blogger that they're unable to leave comments on my blog. If you're unable to do so and would like to leave a comment, here's my email address:
creekjc @ Without the spaces, of course! :)


Stacey said...

It was always like a roller coaster for me - all the ups and downs. My feelings went the same way. Sometimes I felt like I couldn't take any more, especially not another loss, but even the testing, etc. But I have to say that my own curiosity (what if an answer or a baby is right around the corner?), my husband's faith that it would work for us, and having a doctor who didn't act like we were a hopeless case all really helped me to keep going.

It is hard to let go of the fact that we might never have all the answers. I still struggle with why I had to lose six babies before getting to this point. But you're right, we continue to trust in the One who does have all the answers!

So glad you are feeling better and enjoying the garden and the kitchen. xoxo

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