My 6th Pregnancy

On April 3rd I was surprised with a positive pregnancy test. On April 23rd I saw our baby's heart beating on ultrasound. Thank You, Jesus! I was so nervous since I just miscarried in December.

I plan to write about this miracle baby and share this experience with you. The reason I haven't written more is because I'm so, so very nauseous. I'm on zofran and phenergan and wearing psi bands on my wrists. I've already been to the hospital once for fluids. Any advice is much appreciated!

Continuing and Catching Up After a Long Absence

So much has happened since I last posted. I've thought about updating so many times. In fact, I actually have updated the little timeline to the left. I have been so blessed with my baby girl, who is now 16 months old. But I still have SUCH a heart for those going through recurrent pregnancy loss.

I plan to continue my blog. Always my main goal is to help someone out there going through losses. Doesn't it help so much to know you are not alone?!

Even since my daughter's birth, I experienced my 5th miscarriage in December and had my 3rd D&C in January. It was the most difficult so far. I really want to share more about it on here.

Until next time, I pray that Jesus Christ gives you strength and peace and that you seek Him. Love to all my blog friends. I look forward to catching up with you!! :)

Infertility & Miscarriage Part 2

I just love Dr. Dobson. He is so kind and compassionate and loves the Lord. Here is part 2 of the radio program that I posted in my last post. He discusses infertility and miscarriage with 3 women. I hope that it blesses and helps someone.

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/family-talk/listen/infertility-and-miscarriage-ii-264052.html

Radio Program: Infertility & Miscarriage, Part 1

I hope this blesses someone. It's a radio program with Dr. James Dobson. He's interviewing 3 women who experienced infertility and miscarriage. I hope it encourages you to know that you are not alone.

I can relate to SO MANY of their feelings & stories, and I know that some of you can too. I hope you'll listen.

Here it is: http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/family-talk/listen/infertility-and-miscarriage-i-264051.html

Weight Loss in One Month

Well, it's been almost a month since I posted. I think about posting often, but it's hard the find the time.

I wanted to update y'all on my weight loss. In one month I have lost an additional..... (drum roll, please)..... 2 pounds!!!

That's right, 2 pounds in one month. Don't get me wrong, though. I'm not complaining. Two pounds is better than nothing, so I will definitely take it!!

I am continuing to enjoy reading y'all's blogs. Have a great weekend!!!

Weight Loss Update

Well, it's been about 2 1/2 months since our little miracle was born. I am LOVING every minute of being her mommy. It is truly a dream come true.

I don't, however, love that extra 19.5 pounds that's hanging around. haha But it was totally worth it, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat!!

I've been working out 3 times a week. I do cardio and also lift weights. I try to drink plenty of water, and I try not to eat anything after supper except fruit. And it is ever so slowly coming off. I have lost 4 pounds in a little over a month.

Plenty of people told me that the weight would melt away since I'm nursing, but that has not been the case for me. My Dr. actually told me that a lot of women don't lose a lot of weight when nursing because their appetite is so increased. I definitely have a strong appetite!

I honestly don't really mind that I've only lost 4 pounds, though. As long as I am heading in the right direction, that's the most important thing! So I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing - eating sensibly and working out.

I also want to post this darling website that I found: cuteoverload.com If you need your day brightened and want to smile for a few minutes, then look at these ADORABLE little animals on here!! I spent way too much time last night laughing and oohing and aahing over them!!

I hope you all have a GREAT weekend!!!

xoxo,

Birdie

Glory Baby

How did I not know this song existed? This is Christy Nockels singing. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

The video quality is not the best, but stick with it and listen to the words. This is dedicated to all of you who have experienced miscarrage and also to all our sweet babies. We love you!!!

Feelin' Free

That's how I'm feeling right now. Free. At least for a little while, I don't have to think about TTC. I don't have worries of miscarriage. I'm not having testing done. I'm not scheduling a surgery. I don't have multiple Dr. appointments.

I want to take full advantage of this time. I've already been thinking of spring and my garden and the flowers I want to plant. I've been thinking of Baby and me sitting out on that deck that I want to have built in a few months. I've been thinking about all the new recipes I want to try and all the canning I want to do with my mom and sister this summer.

For four years I was on a difficult journey to having my baby. Now she's finally here, and I'm so very thankful for her. I'm also thankful that I feel like I can finally rest & relax for a while.

To tell you the truth, I've already been thinking about having more children in the future. But for now I'm just going to sit back and enjoy where I am.

I hope that wherever you are in your journey today that you can take some time to enjoy your life. Even in the past 4 years, despite all the difficulties, I do have some good memories of canning with my mom and sister, visiting my best friends out of town or having them visit me at my home, going on little trips with Jay, working in my little garden. Those things helped keep me sane. Every one of those lovely memories was something that helped me keep my joy and continue to enjoy living.

My heart still goes out to all of you who are in the midst of the battle of infertility or recurrent pregnancy loss. I have rejoiced with you and cried with you and prayed for you. Know that you are not forgotten!!

May God help you on your journey. May you draw close to Him. And may you not lose joy and hope!

Unexpected Grief

After our Miracle Baby was born in November I experienced something that I never expected. Of course I was so happy to have our little girl. I was overjoyed and thanking God daily (which I still do). But even in the midst of the joy, I experienced grief. Grief over my 4 babies that I lost before she was born. I never in a million years expected that I would grieve their deaths even more pronounced than when I actually lost them. And I know the reason why: It's because, until my baby girl was born, I hadn't fully realized just what I had lost. I realized, in a new way, that each one of those babies was mine and just as real and precious as the baby I was holding. It grieved me so much. I shed fresh tears all over again and missed them so much.

I also grieved the loss of our foster baby, my son in my heart. I wrote about that in my last post. So I won't revisit that again because it's just too hard. My heart still aches for him.

But you know what? Even despite the grief, I can say that I am filled with joy. I am SO thankful for our baby girl. I have never once taken her for granted. Isn't it funny how you can experience such joy along with the sadness? I believe that's because my joy is in the Lord. Even when I go through difficulties, He is always with me. The Lord is healing my heart. I'm so thankful for that verse in Psalm 147:3

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

I often think of heaven when I think of all my babies. Won't it be a wonderful reunion? I know I'll see them someday. I know it!!

I don't want this post to make anyone sad. I just wanted to share my feelings. I know that some of you other moms have probably experienced this as well. I also want to encourage others of you in your journey to having a baby. Don't lose hope! Miracles still happen! I have a miracle right now sitting in her little swing beside me.

I thought I'd also start posting about my post-pregnancy weight loss. Maybe it will help keep me motivated! :)

So, I stopped looking at my weight at the Dr. office b/c I didn't want to worry about those numbers. I just wanted to focus on the joy of pregnancy. And I knew that my Dr. would let me know if I was gaining too much. So... I've started back to exercising 3 times a week and watching what I eat. I've lost 2 pounds in 9 days. I'm happy with that! I still have 21.5 pounds to go! I feel like I've gotten a good start. I'll keep you updated!

I also want to post the words to a song that has helped me in the past. As I was writing about all my babies this song came to my mind. I remember there was a time when I used to sing this daily. I don't understand why things happened the way they did. But I know I don't have to. I trust Him with it all. I hope this song helps you too!

1. ’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
   Just to take Him at His Word;
   Just to rest upon His promise,
   And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”
   • Refrain:
     Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
     How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
     Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
     Oh, for grace to trust Him more!
2. Oh, how sweet to trust in Jesus,
   Just to trust His cleansing blood;
   And in simple faith to plunge me
   ’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!
3. Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
   Just from sin and self to cease;
   Just from Jesus simply taking
   Life and rest, and joy and peace.
4. I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
   Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
   And I know that Thou art with me,
   Wilt be with me to the end.

It Was the Best of Times...It Was the Worst of Times...

2011.

At the beginning of 2011 Jay & I were foster parents to 2 very special little boys. One of them we knew would return home. He was with us for 6 months. It was still hard to let him go, but we knew he needed to be back with his family.

The next day after he left I found out I was pregnant for the 5th time after 4 miscarriages. Oh, how I prayed that this time would be different. This time the septum had been removed, and we had renewed hope. But each day I was on pins and needles that something might go wrong.

In the meantime, our other child that we cared for through the foster system was a newborn baby who stayed with us for 7 months. He came to us straight from the hospital. I was the only mommy he knew. In my heart, he was mine.

We were told we'd most likely be able to adopt him. We were even told at one point that we would probably have him adopted within 6 months. I loved him so much then and I love him still. I love him as if he were my own.

But sadly, he had to leave us in the summer and went to live with a cousin. And I still miss him every.single.day. To be 100% honest with you, it still sometimes feels like someone else has my baby and that he should be with us. My heart still aches, and I miss him so very, very much. Being a foster parent and letting him go was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life. My heart still aches.

HOWEVER, I do have to give the Lord thanks & praise that he went to a very good home. They love him and take wonderful care of him. And I have to trust the Lord and believe that He heard our prayers and answered. He didn't answer exactly how we'd hoped, but he has protected our sweet boy and placed him in a wonderful home. I trust the Lord. Only He knows what the future holds and knows what is best. Even though I don't understand and even though it hurts, I believe that He is where he is supposed to be. And for that I am so thankful.

After he left, I was able to start focusing more on my pregnancy. And lo and behold, I kept getting farther and farther along without any complications!!! Even though sometimes it felt like a dream, it was real!! I was pregnant and actually doing well and going to bring home my sweet healthy baby from the hospital after 9 months.

Each month was a milestone. Each Dr. appointment was a sweet relief! Each good report was an answered prayer!

My little Baby Bird was born November 21st, 2011. She is our miracle baby. She is our dream come true. She is our answered prayer. I am SO thankful for her every single

day. Sometimes I can still hardly believe it! After 4 miscarriages and 4 years since we started trying to have a baby, she is finally here. I am so in love with her and so grateful that she is mine.

In some ways 2011 was the most difficult year of my whole life. But in other ways it was the most wonderful.

I pray that 2012 will continue to be wonderful. I pray that the year will hold many blessings and joy. And no matter what, I thank the Lord that He will be with me every step of the way.

I pray that 2012 will be a good year for you all and hold much joy. If you are longing for a baby I hope that this is the year that your dream will come true. And most of all, I pray that you will know our Savior Jesus Christ and feel His presence with you always.

God Bless You!!