Roller Coaster

I know that I have been so terrible about updating my blog lately.

I have felt like I'm on such a roller coaster with fostering Little Guy. Last week we got wonderful news from our social worker that it was looking like we were going to get to adopt. I was SO incredibly happy and thankful!!! Then I saw her today, and her demeanor had changed. Now she is not so sure that it's going to work out for us. Last week she was very confident. Today, she called it a "shot in the dark". We go from the mountaintop to the valley just like that. I try to stay calm because I think of our baby that I'm carrying. But sometimes I can't help it when I hear the bad news and my heart pounds or I feel a hot stab through my chest and abdomen. However, God has given me a lot of peace throughout this whole experience, and I can honestly say that I'm doing well considering everything. And I'm SO thankful that I know that I am serving the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I'm not going to get discouraged due to my circumstances. I'm going to keep looking to God!!

I go back to the doctor in about 2 weeks for an u/s to find out the sex of our baby!!! It's so hard to believe that I'm this far along!! I'm over 15 weeks!!!!!! This is nothing short of a miracle! Thank You, Lord!!

I'm STILL sick and very tired. I'm still taking zofran and phenergan but have been able to cut back some. So I believe that I'm slowly getting a little better. I still feel pretty sick and exhausted the majority of the time, though. But I'm not complaining. I'm just thankful to still be carrying this sweet baby!!

Thank you so much to those of you who are still reading my blog and sending me comments and asking about me. It really means so much!! I'm going to TRY to post more regularly b/c it does mean so much that you all pray for me and want to follow along in our journey. God Bless You All!!

Ultrasound - Almost 13 Weeks

I wanted to post last night, but I was so exhausted. Plus, it was storming so we didn't think we should turn on the computer.

I went to my u/s, and the first thing the tech said was, "I see a heartbeat!! And it just did a little bounce!" She knows I've had 4 m/c, so she is very understanding and reassuring.

The baby actually looked like a baby. I've never ever been even close to this far along before. It was so neat!

According to my dates I am 12 weeks 5 days.

According to my u/s measurements I am 13 weeks 3 days.

According to my Dr.'s measurements of my abdomen with a tape measure I am almost 15 weeks.

The heartbeat ranged from 156 - 159. And I got to hear it with a doppler! First time EVER for that!!

Of course it concerned me that I'm measuring bigger than my dates, but he said it is nothing at all to worry about and that I may have a big baby. He mentioned me being tall. I am about 5'9".

He said that everything is perfect!

I'm going back in 4 weeks to find out the gender. Then 3 weeks later will be the big anatomy scan where they check the baby's organs, brain, etc. Once that is over I will breathe a big sigh of relief!!!

In the meantime, we are still working hard for Little Guy and praying praying praying for continued divine intervention!! God has already done so much. There is still hope that he will be ours to adopt. We are not giving up!

Now, I'm so very exhausted, so I think I'll go lie down. Thank you for reading, and thanks for your encouraging comments!! :)

Ultrasound Coming Up

Tomorrow will be my first u/s in 4 weeks! I'm nervous b/c it all seems so surreal. I haven't been having any problems. I'm still sick. My stomach is ever so slightly growing. But I'm wondering if everything is truly okay. It's been 4 whole weeks!!

I'll try to post tomorrow evening and let you now how it goes!!

But God...

Dear Blog Friends,

I haven't posted lately b/c I've had a lot on my mind with Little Guy. Little Guy is our nearly 5 month old foster son. He came into our home at 6 days old and has been with me nearly 24/7 ever since. I became his mommy, and it looked so favorable that we would adopt. His birth mom wants us to adopt. She knows he is best with us.

However, 2 weeks ago the birth father appeared in the picture. Just last night I found out that he has brought forth a distant family member who wants Little Guy. As a foster parent, we have no rights. Unless God intervenes, Little Guy will leave our home in about 45 - 90 days. That is the time it will take to do all the evaluations on the relative.

I know that I have not talked about Little Guy a lot on this blog. That's simply b/c I'm not allowed to post pics of his face or give too many details. So I have just steered clear for the most part. But don't let that fool you into thinking that he has not been my life for the past 5 months. He is (in my heart) my baby, my little son. He is attached and bonded to me. I tell him all the time that he is my little best friend. We're together all the time. I stay home with him, and day in and day out we are playing, reading books, I'm feeding him bottles, giving him baths.... Everything any mom would do. I tell him all the time, "Mommy loves you." When it's time to nap I put him down and say, "It's time to rest. Mommy loves you." He still sleeps in the bassinet beside our bed, and I still check him every night to make sure he's breathing...

And yet GOD....

God is giving me peace. I can't explain it. I only know that were it not for Him I would be going crazy right now. I couldn't take it. I would be frantic, hysterical, probably on my way to a breakdown. But God...

But God is my strength. I've prayed to Him daily, sometimes hourly... A prayer is never far from my lips and always in my heart that Little Guy will be ours. I will NOT stop asking God to intervene. But I know that in the end, whatever happens, I must accept it and continue to love Him and trust Him.

I'm looking at this sweet baby right now. Sweet little thing....

God, above all, protect this sweet child of yours. Protect his little heart. And may He grow up to know You and love You and live for You with all his heart!

Why I Haven't Posted

A lot has been going on since my last post. Everything is still going well with my pregnancy as far as I know. Okay, I did start to worry a little bit the last couple of days because my stomach isn't really showing anything. I do have a small pooch, but that's it. In fact, I feel like I've lost weight. I haven't weighed myself. But my appetite is not good with being nauseous the majority of the time, so I feel like I must have lost a little. I asked my mom if that was normal to not be showing yet (except for a small pooch that most people would never even notice), and she said that it is. I'm almost 11 weeks pregnant now, and she said that she didn't "show" with one of my brothers until she was about 4 1/2 months pregnant.

Okay, that made me feel better!! I guess it just seems surreal b/c I haven't had an u/s in a couple of weeks. And a visible sign of a changing, growing belly would make me feel better!

There has still been no bleeding or cramping! And I stopped my progesterone last night. Woohoo!!!

So the reason I haven't posted is because of the situation with Little Guy. I have been so engrossed with our sweet 4 1/2 month old baby. We are praying that he'll soon be adopted by us. But last week, a distant relative came forward saying that she wants him. I can't give a lot of details b/c of the confidentiality issue. But we are praying praying praying that this will not happen. We are asking God for a miracle! No one wants him to go. But our state law says that a family member (even distant) has priority over a foster parent. However, it's not over by any means. A lot of things would have to happen first. And we are praying!!!!! God can do a miracle!! God can change this situation in an instant!!!

I also hope that none of you were affected by the tornadoes in the South. We did have some bad weather, but it mostly passed us and went farther south. I feel so sad for the people down there.

Thanks to those who have checked in on me. It always warms my heart! :)

I've Never Had an Appointment Like That

So I wanted to tell y'all a little more about my ultrasound appointment last week. I already told you that everything went really well and looked great. But I didn't tell you much about how I felt afterwards.

That night when I was lying in bed with Jay it was almost surreal. I said, "Do you realize that today's appointment was just the opposite of all the other appointments I've ever had?" I almost couldn't believe it was really happening!!

In the past, all of my ob appointments have been just terrible!! I've always experienced things like: bleeding, follow-up from a trip to the ER, an u/s that showed the heart had stopped beating, surgery follow-up, m/c follow-up.... I've never ever ever had a good pregnancy appointment.

Until Thursday.

Sometimes I have to pinch myself! I am now 9.5 weeks pregnant. This is at least 2 weeks farther than ever before.

I heard my doctor say things like, "Everything looks PERFECT!" "I think this is going to go off without a hitch!" The nurses were telling me, "Congratulations!!" Everyone was smiling.

And it was really funny when I told my doctor about Little Guy (our sweet 4 month old baby that we are in the process of trying to adopt through foster care). He and the nurse both laughed!! They were probably thinking, "She's going to have her hands full!!" haha

Some of you reading this have always had good pregnancy appointments. And others are like me. You've been disappointed and hurt a lot. I just hope that this encourages someone that sometimes the "impossible" really happens. I hope that it give someone hope.

And of course I am still HIGHLY recommending my specialist in Memphis who found the problem that other doctors missed: http://www.fertilitymemphis.com/our-team/william-h-kutteh-m-d-ph-d/ He specializes in RPL. It's been exciting lately to "meet" (through my blog) 2 women who have been to Dr. K and also to know another who has a first appointment coming up!

But ultimately, I give God praise for getting me this far. I'm trusting Him day by day! I still have a long ways to go. But it's all in His hands.

And I haven't talked much about Little Guy lately.... I'll try to do a post about him soon. I love him SO much!!!! It is looking favorable that we will be able to adopt!! I'll keep you posted on that as soon as I know something more definite. He's been with us since birth through foster care, and he's our miracle baby!!! I'm not allowed to post pictures or give a lot of details. Otherwise, I'd be talking about him a lot more on here!!

I also want to encourage anyone who may be interested in adoption to keep looking into it. Get more info and see if it might be for you. You might even be interested in foster care! In our county, sadly, they have had a lot of babies recently come into foster care. Just last week they called me for a newborn baby girl! They were picking her up at the hospital that afternoon. I had to say no, though, b/c I knew it would be too much right now. If you have any questions about foster care, please email me: creek jc @ nctc. com

And my last little update is that yes, I am still sick. Yesterday I felt very sick. Thankfully, this morning I am feeling a little better. I took my zofran before I even got out of bed, so it has helped immensely.

Thank you all for your continued prayers. I love getting your sweet and encouraging comments!!

Ultrasound #3

Ladies, thank you for the encouraging comments! Y'all are the best!!!

My u/s today went GREAT!!! I am measuring at 8w3d. Heartbeat = 183.

Dr. said, "Everything looks perfect!"

Thank You, Jesus!!!!!

And to top it all off, I got a whole new bottle of Zofran b/c my pharmacist and Dr. worked together and found a loophole with my insurance!! Hooray!!

I was nervous today, but it didn't get the best of me. My husband was with me, and it was just SO neat seeing that u/s. I've never been this far along before, and I got to see this little bity tiny baby that's only about 1 inch long moving around and waving its little arm buds. Incredible! I was in awe at what God has created.

Thank you so much for your prayers. Please continue to pray. I go back in 4 weeks for another ultrasound and appointment. Wow....Thank You, Lord, for great news today! I've been praying and hoping for this for a long time!

Ultrasound Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a big day. It's my first ultrasound at the farthest along I've ever been.

I'll let you know the details. Please keep us in your prayers.

I'm also still feeling very sick. The meds help. But I have had to cut back b/c I found out that my insurance will only pay for so much Zofran. And it's very expensive. I only have 2 more pills to last until Friday. So I have really been rationing!

I'll try to post tomorrow night after my appointment!! :)

Problem Solved

First of all, thank you for the comments about my worries about missing 2 doses of progesterone. I was starting to feel better and thinking that it would be okay. Then I had a sudden thought!....Wait a second....My friend at church used to work at that pharmacy. Let me give her a call....

To make a long story short, she made a couple of calls, and the pharmacist MET ME AT THE PHARMACY!!!!! Even though it was closed, he came in on his day off and got my progesterone for me!

I apologized and was embarrassed, but he was so nice and told me it was okay.

This is an example of one of the many benefits of living in a small town!!! After the whole ordeal was over and I was back home with my medicine I remembered that old John Mellencamp song "Small Town" and looked it up on youtube. :) There was a time in high school when I thought I hated living in this town and had to get away. But now that I'm getting older, I love it here!

Thanks again for all your encouragement and comments. :)

Also, I want to say that I am officially farther along than I have EVER been!!! I am now past 8 weeks! Thank You, Jesus!! I go back on Thursday of this week for another ultrasound. If everything looks good, then we may start telling some of our family and friends. (We have already told our parents, my sister and a few close friends, but that is it.) And they are all sworn to secrecy!! :)

I have a couple of emails to catch up on. Two of you have been so sweet to email me recently. Normally, I would have already written back. But I still been feeling so nauseous and tired that I haven't been spending much time at the computer. Please don't think I've forgotten you!!

And if anyone else would like to email: creek jc @ nctc . com (without the spaces, of course!)

Oh, and to end on a funny nose, I have RAVENOUS cravings!!! haha Seriously, when I think of something that sounds good it's like I HAVE to have it!!! Today, I felt that way about Sub.way, so Jay had to get it for me twice!! haha And if I try to eat something that I'm not craving, it tastes just awful and makes me sick. I guess that's just a part of pregnancy. I'm taking it as a sign that I'm doing well.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support.

How Could I Forget to Pick up My Rx??!!!

I have been so upset with myself for forgetting to pick up my progesterone suppositories at the pharmacy today. Now I only have 1 for the entire weekend!! That means that if I use it tonight that I will have to go Saturday and Sunday without one. I can think of no way to remedy this predicament. In my town there is only 1 compounding pharmacy that is able to make the progesterone suppositories. It is CLOSED on Saturdays. Besides that, I don't have the original prescription to take anywhere else. My doctor's office called it in to the pharmacy. And since no one will be working at that pharmacy tomorrow, there is no one to call and transfer the prescription to another pharmacy....

So I guess there is truly nothing that I can do.

So my question is: My progesterone level was great when it was first checked. It was actually on the high end. The progesterone suppositories were prescribed as a "just in case" kind of thing. So is it going to be THAT bad if I miss two doses?

Hoping someone can give me some advice or at least make me feel a little better.... :)

I gotta keep trusting God. I made a silly mistake, but Lord, please protect me and this baby!!